Things my mother tought me
WHERE TO DO A GOOD JOB - If you're going to kill each other, do it outside
RELIGION - You better pray that comes out of the carpet.
TIME TRAVEL - If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week
LOGIC - Because I said so, that's why
FORESIGHT - Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident
IRONY - Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about
OSMOSIS - Shut your mouth and eat your supper!
CONTORTIONISM - Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck
STAMINA - You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished
WEATHER - It looks as if a tornado swept through your room
PHYSICS PROBLEMS - If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?
HYPOCRISY - If I've told you once, I've told you a million times-Don't exaggerate
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - I brought you into this world and I can take you out too
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - Stop acting like your father!
ENVY - There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do! THANKS, MOM!
Wednesday, April 13, 2005 12:19:31 PM, From: jim, To: Jokes