What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?  Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?  The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone   
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?  The position of the dirt bag   
Why is divorce so expensive?  Because it's worth it   
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?  Doughnuts   
Why is air a lot like sex?  Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any   
What do you call a smart blonde?  A golden retriever   
What do attorneys use for birth control?  Their personalities   
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?  45 lbs   
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?  45 minutes   
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?  Through his chest with a sharp knife   
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?  Because those men already have boyfriends   
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?  After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?  The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving   
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?  Because they have cotton balls
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?  A porcupine has the pricks on the outside
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?  "Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?  Mace will do that to you
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?  Everyone has the same DNA
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?  Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it   
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?  A different bar   
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?  A speech impediment   
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?  They're hiring   
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?  Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!   
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?  A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."