Hey guys how are you. How was the interview Jim?
Ok well mom this is for you...
I was sitting here in bed thinking about the past and, telling Joy some of our stories.
I hate to bring this up but it makes me feel sad and it's something I couldn't let go of until now.
I remember when we lived in the U-Mom family shelter.
Do you remember? I am having a problem.
I seem to be drawing a blank on that. I would love to know, was Renee and the kids with us?
I remember the time I was robbed.
They didnt find the money that was in my sock, but they took my jersey and watch. Dustin was with me.
Its sad thats the only time i remember about that time.
I was wondering if you could please share some stories with me about that time some good ones.
It really sux not remembering anything about that time.
Renee if you remember any please share, thx. I'd greatly appreciate it.
Well here goes the part that I feel really bad about and has been a burden for me for a while.
Remember when I got social security. I got $480 a month. Well this is my lesson to me i guess... I remember one time we got that check and we needed some things, but I went roller skating and you told me to only take $20. I remember taking more than that, something like around $100 to $200 that day. I was being selfish and dumb. I spent it on candy and bought everybody things. I cant beleive I did that. It really hurts and know I actually see how money can make you greedy.
I feel so bad about that because we were in a life time crisis.  I mean, to look at us, you didnt have a job, the 5 of us living in a studio apartment with 2 twin beds. We had a little tiny portable refrigerator to hold everything for us. I dont even think we had a stove. We had a very small TV. Thats what I remember about  that time and I was selfish in a time when we needed that the most. I couldn't imagine how you felt at that time of despair. You were trying to take care of us 4 living off of $480 a month taking care of us loving us and being their for us.
I think of it like, wow, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR WHAT YOU DID AND FOR THAT I AM GREATFUL.
Sorry I'm crying right know thinking of how hard that was but yet we survived because of you. Mom I love you. Thank you.. I want to know how you felt, what it was like for you. I am sorry for bringing this up but I am expressing to you how much I love you.
Please, don't think it was your fault for losing us kids to CPS either. It wasn't. 
It was Renee and my fault for that, we are the ones that told the school what was going on, like you smoking and hiding it from us wow you smoke so what, you know that wasn't your fault, and you spending time with your freind. You weren't even gone for long maybe an hour visiting. Renee and I told the school it was longer I believe but please forgive us it wasn't you. But I do admit thinking about it I realized you had it hard and I thank you for helping us stay as one and saving us and being the best mom you can be.
I admit the shelter and the day CPS took us on Thanksgiving was the hardest.
I was up all night long crying thinking of you and missing you and how much I hated it back then. 
I beleive thats how my anger started to grow. I think it was by me holding all that frustration in about CPS and what they did to our family. It was not your fault mom I dont want you to ever think it was ok. You tried so hard. They just wanted to pick on someone that they knew they could win with. I can't imagine that. Now I am a father, and it would tear me up inside prob like it did you. But you were very strong and fought through it, for that I love you. I honestly don't now if I could be as strong and have as much will like you did for us. I Love you mom. thank you very much mom. I am glad I got that all off of my chest. I have been holding that in so long. I am just saying I love you and you are appreciated.