1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced tenty one?
12. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
18. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
19. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
20. Ever wonder about those people who spend £2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
21. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
22. OK So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
23. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea. Does that mean that one enjoys it?

If Daddy dies, we'll be in Heaven.
I'll take Police Brutality for $20 million Alex.
Brides thoughts at a wedding: Aisle, Alter, Hymm.
Law of Thermodynamics:  Everything gets worse under pressure
Congressmen should have a two term limit: 1 in office, 1 in jail.
Statistical fact : Half of all marriages end in divorce. The other half end in death.
Physics: Stress = unit of force per unit area. People: Stress = To force of physics on people.
Mob Restaurant Menu Item : Blackened Bluefish, well battered

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. 
This is how it manifests:
- I decide to water my garden.
- As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
- As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
- I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
- I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
- So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
- But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
- I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left.
- My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.
- I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
- The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
- As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye. They need water.
- I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
- I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
- I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
  Someone left it on the kitchen table.
- I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the
- remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
- but first I'll water the flowers.
- I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
- So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
- Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. 
At the end of the day:
- The car isn't washed
- The bills aren't paid
- There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter
- The flowers don't have enough water,
- There is still only 1 check in my check book,
- I can't find the remote,
- I can't find my glasses,
- And I don't remember what I did with the car keys. 
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired. 
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail.