jim

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning me dicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26 . Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because I don't know what is going on.

WORLD RELIGIONS, FOODS PRACTICES AND RESTRICTIONS, AND RATIONALE FOR BEHAVIOR

Type of religion	Practice or restriction	Rationale
Buddhism	• Refrain from meat, vegetarian diet is desirable • Moderation in all foods • Fasting required of monks	• Natural foods of the earth are considered most pure • Monks avoid all solid food after noon
Eastern Orthodox Christianity	• Restrictions on Meat and Fish • Fasting Selectively	• Observance of Holy Days includes fasting and restrictions to increase spiritual progress
Hinduism	• Beef prohibited • All other meat and fish restricted or avoided • Alcohol avoided • Numerous fasting days	• Cow is sacred and can't be eaten, but products of the "sacred" cow are pure and desirable • Fasting promotes spiritual growth
Islam	• Pork and certain birds prohibited • Alcohol prohibited • Coffee/tea/stimulants avoided • Fasting from all food and drink during specific periods	• Eating is for good health • Failure to eat correctly minimizes spiritual awareness • Fasting has a cleansing effect of evil elements
Judaism	• Pork and shellfish prohibited • Meat and dairy at same meal prohibited • Leavened food restricted • Fasting practiced	• Land animals that do not have cloven hooves and that do not chew their cud are forbidden as unclean (e.g., hare, pig, camel) • Kosher process is based upon the Torah
Mormonism	• Alcohol and beverages containing caffeine prohibited • Moderation in all foods • Fasting practiced	• Caffeine is addictive and leads to poor physical and emotional health • Fasting is the discipline of self-control and honoring to God
Protestants	• Few restrictions of food or fasting observations • Moderation in eating, drinking, and exercise is promoted	• God made all animal and natural products for humans' enjoyment • Gluttony and drunkenness are sins to be controlled
Rastafarianism	• Meat and fish restricted • Vegetarian diets only, with salts, preservatives, and condiments prohibited • Herbal drinks permitted; alcohol, coffee, and soft drinks prohibited • Marijuana used extensively for religious and medicinal purposes	• Pigs and shellfish are scavengers and are unclean • Foods grown with chemicals are unnatural and prohibited • Biblical texts support use of herbs (marijuana and other herbs)
Roman Catholicism	• Meat restricted on certain days • Fasting practiced	• Restrictions are consistent with specified days of the church year
Seventh-day Adventist	• Pork prohibited and meat and fish avoided • Vegetarian diet is encouraged • Alcohol, coffee, and tea prohibited	• Diet satisfies practice to "honor and glorify God"

On the designated days, Catholics may abstain from all food, or they may restrict meat and meat products. Water or nonstimulant liquids are usually allowed during the fast. From: http://www.faqs.org/nutrition/Pre-Sma/Religion-and-Dietary-Practices.html

I always tell people that we're travelling at 80k miles an hour around the sun,
but if the earth is 94.5 million miles from the sun, then are we travelling at 34k miles an hour, aren't we?
Happy Labor Day Weekend to you all.

BTW-This is Labor Day, not Memorial Day, right? And Labor is spelled Labor and not Laber or Labre. haha

Circumference = Diameter x 3.14. (That sounds about right).
The Earths distance from the sun = 94,500,000 miles, but that could be debated.
Its circumference of travel = 94,500,000 * 3.14 = 296,730,000 miles. (Sort of, discounting any wobble).
Days to circle the sun = 365.4, or 8770 hours (you can prove this by calibrating a sticks shadow to a watch).
Miles per hour = 296,730,000 mile / 8770 hours = 33,834 miles per hour.
Add to that,
The Earth has a circumference of 24,901 miles (at the equator, maybe), (once again with sticks, 2 stick's shadows a mile apart can prove this out)
and there are 24 hours in a day (or something close to that),
Then we are spinning at 1,000 miles an hour (roughly).

Travelling computer consultants are a strange group.
We all have two places we call home.

We're broke between contracts, and rich during contracts.
Most people don't want to see us when we're broke, and that's usually when we are hiding in our real homes.

We've done things or are doing things that are outside the realm of normality.
One buddy is walking across the country, another has programmed the Space Shuttle, and another is bartending.
Some flourished with their own companies during the dot com boom, just to fall back into consulting.

You never hear about us, but we do change the world.
I've done some world-first, including adding some stuff to the ATM screens that you see all over the country.

Usually, we come in, do incredible projects, make it work and leave.
If it fails - We are responsible because we are idiots. Fortunately, I've never failed.
If it works - Others are responsible. They almost always get promoted.
The consultants either move on, go full time, or become managers and never code again.
Rarely, if ever, our names get mentioned anywhere. We almost never get CC'd on the "Job well done" email from the CEO.

But still, it gets into the blood.
We know what we've done. Our abilities to work either independantly or in a group, has molded our ways of thinking.
The travelling is great, the money is good, and we've gotten used to saying "Hello" and "Goodbye".
At night, we either go insane with thought, or we're happy and we do things most locals would never even consider doing.
Its an emotional roller coaster, and the adrenalene rush is addictive.
And it would be hard for me to stop.

(Spoken after 15 years of consulting, 5 years on the road, and 27 years in the business)

Airbeds - Our second airbed has gone flat in just one week.
It turned out our cot had a sharp edge. I wonder if there are other professionals out there who have had this problem. BTW - I'm not sure when or how I got so strange. Its happened slowly after 15 years of consulting.

It's 3am on a Monday, and as usual, I can't wait to go to work.

Jennifer went back to Vegas last Saturday, and I already miss her.
So now, when I say we, I mean Becky and I.
On the flip side, instead of doing just teenage things, we can do adult things too. I'm thinking Concerts!