Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant" is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist ".
It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "smart"?
The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.
When blondes have more fun, but do they know it?
Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two it's an amusement park.
Learn from your parents' mistakes, use birth control.
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Don't Drink and Drive! You might hit a bump and spill something.
If at first you don't succeed, Skydiving is not for you.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Time's fun when you're having flies. ......Kermit the Frog
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge someday to produce reproductive organs.
Alabama state motto: At least we're not Mississippi
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Gun Control means using both hands
The more I learn about terrorism, the more I understand collection agencies company.
The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population

We left Patrons tonight, came back to the apartment and knocked on a neighbor's door to give her some flowers. 
Within an hour, 4 of us were sitting on the floor, 5 were standing and we were telling stories, exchanging jokes, and having simple fun.
After one month, we will all have gone our separate ways. But for a short time, we were a group, and we had this night.
It was so special!

The memories of a old man are the deeds of himself in his prime
He suffers in gloom in his sickroom, and talks to himself till he dies.
Life is a short warm moment and death is a long cold rest
You give it a trie try but in the twinkling of your eye
Goes eighty years, if unlucky, much less

So all aboard for the life's tour, maybe you'll make it to the top
But watch how you go, you may find it hard to get off

You are the angel of death and I am the dead man's son
He died like a mole in a fox hole with everyone still in the run
And who masters the fox hounds? When has the hunt begun?
Who calls the tune in your courtroom? Who beats the funeral drum?

The memories of a old man are the deeds of himself in his prime
He suffers in gloom in his sickroom, and talks to himself till he dies.

STAY
Stay and help me to end the day and if you don't mind we'll taste a bottle of wine
Stick around, we'll put one down, because I wanna find what lies behind those blue eyes
Midnight blue burning gold, the yellow moon is growing cold

I rise, looking through my morning eyes, surprised to find you by my side
I rack my brain to remember your name, to find the words to tell you goodbye
Morning dues, newborn day midnight blue turn to gray,
Midnight blue burning gold, the yellow moon has grown cold

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
Wife - "What do you think you're doing?"
Husband - "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,"
Wife - "Put them back! We can't afford them,"
They carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther on
the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
Husband - "What do you think you're doing?"
Wife - "Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,"
Husband - "So does 24 cans of Budweiser, and it's half the price."
**Clean up on Aisle 25. We have a husband down!