The Life and Times of Jim
Hi, there. I'm Jim. Welcome to my phlog!
This site was written for Las Vegas, then LouisVille. Now, it seems to be about anywhere. In these phlogs, you'll see a lot of my personal notes and pictures. I like to post my observations here to remember life and celebrate it. I'm not religious. I don't pray for good fortune. I'm ecstatically grateful for the gift of life and I think our time should be remembered and not taken for granted. I'm not a writer. I think pictures tell stories so much better than words. I love just about everything in this life, and, I guess that would have to include you. So, if you've seen me, don't be surprised if your picture is in here somewhere. Of all the critters, people are absolutely the most interesting. 
<< 04/2006 < 03/2007 Calendar 05/2007 > 04/2008 >>Sign InView Other Logs
04/11/2007 10:24:16
 jim  Take a Brake Break - from Brakes Plus
$760 for all four brakes. That sounds terrible to me, but they sounded so bad.
The rotors looked terrible.
I told them Mr Brake replaced the front brakes 2 years ago, and they have a lifetime warrentee on them.
But I also told them, Mr Brake should probably be called Mr Break.
They said they'd toss in the front rotors. Which would have been $220 more.
Sonny's footing the bill, which is darned decent of him.
I'm going to spring for a new stereo in that truck.
The last one got stolen 2 weeks ago.
04/11/2007 06:19:53
 jim  My sister is saving me.
She's trying to save me from Hell.
While her actions are noble, they aren't realistic.
Thats because I don't believe in Hell.
She repulsed me from any of the monotheistic beliefs (either of the Abrahamic, Jewish, Christian, or Islamic persuasions) with her evangelistic proselytisms, forty years ago.
She believes she's a devout Christian. She will do what ever her pastor tells her to do.
I owe a lot to my sister.
She inspired me to read the Bible at a very young age, just to verify half the things she dribbled out.
I doubt she really, really, read any of it. She just quoted it, out of text too, which is pretty meaningless.
Personally, and this is just my beliefs,
I think the notion of Hell should be sold with children's books, right next to the stories of Santa and the Easter Bunny.
I'd hope most people on this planet don't believe there's a red devil, with bull horns, cloven hoofs, and a pointy tail. That's just disfunctional. Nothing with hoofs has hands. LOL. 
And whats with the pitch fork? Did  he work on a farm? LOL.
Is that the best tool he could find to pitch bad people into hell with? LOL.
I would have used a hay bailer, but they weren't invented yet.
The devil looks like a character in a poorly written DC comic book and his concept just doesn't make any sense.
If this creature were born on a farm, it would be veal cutlets the next day.
The whole concept is just plain ol' dumb!
And I am sorry fo the adult who says these things to other adults, with either love or hate in their eyes.
They are the ones who are lost.
If you want to find god, just look in the mirror.
Figure out exactly what it is you see.
Maybe you'll see that we are devices, built from smaller devices, built from even smaller devices.
The more you learn, the more you'll realize that you don't know much at all, and that you can't quote god.
You are one of god's best works of art, not the other way around.
I would hope that someday, all religions could rejoice in their simularities and not their differences
If one religion has 8 gods, and another has 1 god, and yet another has a messenger, a god and a spirit,
they should all rejoice in that, because they all believe in a high power of some kind.
04/09/2007 19:36:05
 jim  I am really grateful for this wonderful life.
I didn't earn this life, but still, I am here and I really do appreciate it.
It doesn't matter to me if I there is an afterlife or not.
If there is an afterlife, I'll know it the second after I die.
If there isn't an afterlife, then I'll go back to in the oblivion I came from.
 I just want to say, thanks, to what ever gave this life to me.
I know I'm not smart enough to know God. I know no man is, though many say they do.
Ever day, when I learn, I discover all the things I don't know.
Every breath I take, is a debt I owe to the creator.
I'm no more important than a bird, dog, insect, plant or rock.
Everything is important. Everything leaves a trace.
But like I said, I didn't earn this life, and I would be ungrateful to expect more than I've already had.
I won't pray for anyone either. I will help them, and when I need help, I don't want prayer, I want help.
And if I hurt someone, I won't ask god for forgiveness. I will ask them, and I will try to repair the damage.
I won't ask Jesus to save me, and I won't ask any God to save me.
I'm grateful, not greedy.
I don't want a gold castle in the sky, or pastures of green when I die.
I don't care what anyone says about the after life.
If they go on belief without evidence, they deserve to be called sheep.
04/09/2007 13:33:25
 jim  .Lucretius
I like Lucretius !
My question to people since I was a kid was, weren't we dead before we were born?
If so, isn't life an abberation of our normal state?
If so, isn't the fear of death illogical?
People told the kid I was, that I was incorrect. That when I die, there will be angels, pastures, and Jesus. If I get saved, I will go to Heaven. Everyone else will go to Hell, which is a firey place where you burn forever. And that I shouldn't ask questions. I should just have faith.
Faith seems to be the fire consuming the world of mankind.
For with faith, there is an extreme lack of understanding.
I tell someone god gave me a beanstalk that reached to the sky.
Another says yes, and it had blue bells on in. Another says, yes, it glowed in the night.
And yet, another says, it was the beanstalk of life.
And everyone with faith just believes it. Those who question are told they will go to hell and they are killed by the masses of the ignorant. And the ignorant are told, "It was God's will, and it was good".

Those with faith are the sheep. They'd rather not think while they are herded into battle for land, money, or "Glory".
And they shall be called the poor, uneducated, and undesirable.
And those without faith will be learning how to grow their own beanstalk, and it will reach to the sky someday.
And they shall be called the rich, powerful and beautiful. They shall create more stories for the sheep to follow.
04/09/2007 13:33:25
 Jim   (Reply)Lucretius
Superstition is the notion that supernatural powers created our world and interfere with its operations. 
Fear of such gods and their will is banished with understanding.
By showing that the operations of the world can be accounted for entirely in terms of the regular, but purposeless motions of tiny atoms and agglomerations of atoms in interaction in empty space.
The fear of death will be banished by showing that death is the dissipation of a being's material mind.
And so, as a simple ceasing-to-be, death can be neither good nor bad for this being.
The value of life for a being is something that only matters to this being during its life.
Fear of death is a projection of terrors experienced in life, of pain that only a living (intact) mind can feel.
Lucretius also puts forward the 'symmetry argument' against the fear of death.
In it, he says that people who fear the prospect of eternal non-existence after death should think back to the eternity of non-existence before their birth, which they probably do not fear.
04/09/2007 13:25:46
 jim  The Hand
Image:X-ray boy hand.jpgImage:Gray1234.png
I put this in here for my reference. The hand is an incredible device! And the body runs on carrots! lol...
I get so excited when I see blueprints like this.
I wish life was longer, so I could have the time to debug some of these wonders. I'd love to explore the routines and functions in DNA. How it works, how cells create cells that create this, it is all very awsome. We will figure it out someday.
04/08/2007 19:27:22
 jim  Vegas,NV-Strip HawiianMarket
04/08/2007 18:45:14
 jim  Vegas,NV-Strip-SouthPoint
04/08/2007 18:08:04
 jim  Vegas,NV-BlackMtn
04/08/2007 18:08:04
 jim   (Reply)Vegas,NV-BlackMtn
04/08/2007 12:02:21
 jim  BlackMtn,NV-Mustang-Jim,Becky
04/08/2007 12:01:01
 jim  Vegas,NV-BlackMtnVeiws
04/08/2007 07:59:37
 jim  Advair works for asthma!!!
Thanks GMa for the sample!
It surely beats the heck out of paying another $800 for a doctor and coming out with 1 bottle of Albuterol (like I did).
Albuterol is better than Primatine Mist (which is bottled Epinephrine), but its not great.
Advair is Albuterol plus ipratropium bromide.
04/07/2007 22:16:42
 jim  Underwear....Whats Underwear?
Superman forgets to 
wear pants, again ! ! !
Becky's kids, Dustin and Jennifer stayed over for several days this week.
They were great as usual.
However, the following seemed strange:
When we picked the kids up, GMa told Becky, "Make sure Jennifer changes her underwear tommorrow".
That night, Becky blurted "Jennifer, you need to change your underwear".
Then Jennifer said "GMa said I don't have to change my underwear until tommorrow!".
So, being natually curious, I asked "Whats wrong with your underwear, Jennifer?"
Jennifer said "NOTHING".
Becky said, "Nothing's wrong, GMa asked me to make sure Jennifer changes her underwear".
I've never heard people talk about their underwear like this before.
That is, unless they are drunk and are trying to seduce me at the local pub. 
But clearly, that wasn't the case here.
I've just never thought of putting "1) Change Underwear" on my To Do List.
Now I'm wondering if everyone changes their underwear daily!!!
These are things I would have never thought of if it wasn't for these kiddos.
04/07/2007 21:24:23
 jim  .Happy Easter
I love more than elephants love peanuts.
I love you more than mice love cheese.
I love you like salt loves pepper
I love you more than dogs love Alpo.
I need you more than my socks need washing.
You are my Easter Bunny Baby!!!
04/06/2007 21:35:36
 jim  GMa gave me some Combivent.
Its seems to work pretty good for my COPD.
I may have a chance at life after all.
Thanks GMa!!!
Of course, its got some pretty nasty side of them being death.
But if you'd had my experiences lately, its worth the risk.
Its got "ipatropium bromide" in it, and is one of the ingredients in Atrovent.
BTW - I ordered some Advair and Pulicort from Canada.
6 months worth for $180 including shipping.
The Japanese, French, Icelanders, Swedes, Spanish and the English all live longer than Americans. 
04/06/2007 21:25:32
 jim  Movies all day. Thanks Rudy!!!
We watched:
Ghost Rider
I thought it would turn out to be another "Wicker Man" for Nicolas Cage, but it was one of his best yet.
The effects were awsome.
IMAX  Deep Sea
Wonderful movie. Its amazing how they illustrate the balance of nature.
They put together how all the creatures interact in life and death, and in ways that even a cave man can understand.
It was okay. The story was very predictable right from the beginning.
Ahhhh, but whoever recorded it ran out of memory at the last 10 minutes of the movie.
I thought that added to the movie. I made up my own ending, which was probably better than the real one.
Wild Hogs
Good movie with Tim Allen, John Travolta, Will Macy, Martin Lawrence and Ray Liotta.
A good illustration of an over the hill gang getting a second chance at life.
04/06/2007 08:49:24
 jim  Vegas,NV-Gabriel-Jennifer-sleeping
04/03/2007 23:52:11
 jim  We just watched The Good Shepperd
It was okay. It dragged on...
One of the things the hit on was a group called the Skull and Bone "Bonesmen"
This is real group, a secret society of sorts, of Yalemen.
They relishes their glass enclosed skull and bones of "Geronimo".
As odd as this group sounds, its 800 members include some of the most powerful people in the world.
Bush is one of them. Anyway, their purpose seems be powerful, and to make a difference.
The CIA director was one of them.
Somewhere in the mix, they hit on the CIA's disinformation strategies.
How they tell truth mixed in with lies, all to get people to behave the way they want.
I instantly started thinking about the Kennedy assassinations an what we were told about it.
It could have been Castro, the Mafia, the Soviet Union or Lyndon B Johnson, as has been suggested.
We heard everything except for what should have been obvious. It seems obvious too me anyway.
Here's what I thought:
Shortly after John F Kennedy's assassination, Robert Kennedy was assassinated.
Shortly after that, Jacquie Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis (the richest man in the world).
NOW, that just sounds odd to me.
Why didn't anyone mention that maybe...just maybe,
Onassis had John killed to marry Jacquie, then Robert killed because he objected to the marriage.
Its a theory as good as the others.
What makes it a better theory is, it has never been entertained.
Why is that?
I mean, isn't that more believable than anything else we've heard.
But please take note: I don't know anything. I just read and reason.
I thoroughly admit that my ideas are influenced by dis-information.
04/03/2007 12:00:01
 jim  Vegas,NV-Wetlands
04/03/2007 00:50:06
 jim  Inherited memory. Animals have it. We don’t.
People can't seem to remember anything right.
We write things down, and still can't remember things right.
Except for some fears and desires, we inherit very little from our ancestor's memories.
On the other hand, animals and plants seem to remember a lot from their ancestors.
For example, birds fly south. Bees make honey. Ants make hills. Penguins go on a march.
All these things they learned to do thousands if not millions of years ago.
It's like their entire species only had one original thought!!!
What we have instead of those inherited memories are "IDEAS".
We lack clear memories of anything that happened before we were born.
So, we have to think our way through every day of our lives.
And when an inherited memory does pop into our heads, we think its our idea!
The penguins without a word, get up one day, and think
"Hey, its time to march south to mate, just like our Great, Great,....Grandparent did 1 million years ago".
For me, a thought pops in my head saying, "Mate, anywhere, NOW"!
Even trees have inherited memories.
I've noticed the trees in my back yard start dropping their leaves starting the 3rd week in December.
Every year, for the last 21 years, its happened.
And I've noticed the weather has little to do with their decision.
All three trees just seem to know when to do it!
I know its not telepathy. Its not a chemical response to the environment. Its instructions that come from the seed.
I'm almost kind of jealous.
Wouldn't it be nice if you could remember your great grand parents life, 
and you knew instinct was how they communicating with you?
This is where I'm headed with this blog:
If we remembered our ancestor's lives, it would be pretty obvious that much of what we are, is really them.
And that they will never really die as long as life continues.
Maybe we'd realize that all life is connected.
And maybe we'd respect this planet more than we do.
04/02/2007 23:44:41
 jim  Ah...I forgot to mention my birthday
That's because I usually forget my birthday.
My birthday was Saturday,
but we celebrated it on April Fools Day.
So, for me, there was no Saturday Night Fever,
However, I liked the picture so I put it in here anyway.
For my birthday, Sonny gave me a pair of binoculars with a camera on it.
That's cool, because I like to play a "Peeping Private Investigator" a lot!
Now, I can take pictures of the neighbors taking their garbage out....Yippppeeeeee!!!!
I got two calls.
Sharon called and said HBD. She's having rough times.
Ida called and said HBD. She's having good times.
Becky got me a couple of XXL Shirts!
Thats great, because my tummy is as big as her heart.
I talked to my sister in Frisco, Texas.
She's having rough times.
She's got here to fall back to if she wants. She can be a Las Veggy with us!
I talked to Allen in Texas.
We philosophized and drempt of new things, new ideas.
"The future holds infinite possibilties, while the past holds only one" was a cool thought.
Becky's mom made me Black Forest Cake and Paul made homemade Chicken Alfredo.
Yum. It was really great of them.
Robert, Emily and Amy came by, and we all watched a tear jerker on my old 60" TV.
I was having a really rough time health wise though.
I kind of talked to Ruth.
Actually, I talked to her through her neice, Daphne. She's in really bad shape.
She really liked the pictures I sent her.
It maybe morbid to say this, but, cancer is pretty quick, and you miss the last few weeks.
Ruth has time to truly appreciate this life.
For most, today was just another day.
At the same time, Ruth knows she's down to just a few more sunrises.
For me, today could have been my last day,
and ya know, if it was, it would have been one of my best days.
With that in mind, the truck got broken into at the Flamingo last night.
Some desparate soul stole the stereo.
And it seemed so unimportant.
04/02/2007 04:14:48
 jim  Vegas,NV-Sonny
04/02/2007 04:04:11
 jim  Robert,Becky,Paul,Renee,Jim
04/01/2007 21:22:16
 jim  Vegas,NV-Votech-SkyLine
04/01/2007 09:09:42
 jim  Vegas,NV-BDay-Jim,Becky,Gma,Rober,Amy
04/01/2007 00:00:00
 Jim  April Fools Day
Watch out!
03/31/2007 23:00:02
 jim  Vegas,NV-SkylineFromSunriseMtn
03/31/2007 12:02:01
 jim  Vegas,NV-SunriseMtn-DustinDevil,Jen
03/30/2007 15:30:22
 jim  AAADD
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. 
This is how it manifests:
- I decide to water my garden.
- As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
- As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
- I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
- I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
- So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
- But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
- I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left.
- My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.
- I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
- The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
- As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye. They need water.
- I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
- I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
- I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
  Someone left it on the kitchen table.
- I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the
- remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
- but first I'll water the flowers.
- I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
- So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
- Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. 
At the end of the day:
- The car isn't washed
- The bills aren't paid
- There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter
- The flowers don't have enough water,
- There is still only 1 check in my check book,
- I can't find the remote,
- I can't find my glasses,
- And I don't remember what I did with the car keys. 
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired. 
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail.
03/26/2007 18:58:50
 jim  We stepped outside to see why the sunset looked re
Sure enough, there's a forest fire somewhere. I can smell it. Whats worse is, its toxic to me.
What gets me is, from a distance, you can clearly see an brownish orange cloud over Vegas.
I can feel it. My eyes, my lungs, my sinuses, even my skin can feel it.
People talk about it. IT EXISTS!!!
But the news doesn't say one darned word about it!
To me, that says the news isn't about reporting what we need to hear.
The news, instead, reports unimportant sensationalisms.
The news said earlier that 30,000 people die in Clark County each year from poisoning.
They were saying many of those died from mixing drugs.
SO, I did my own 7th Grade Math.
I figured there's 2,000,000 living people living in Clark County, and the average person lives for 75 years.
SO 2,000,000 / 75 = 26,000 people die in Clark County every year, and Channel 8 said 30,000 people die in Clark County from poisoning. Wow. Thats just bad math!
They're numbers could be correct, if the average life span in Clark County were something like 40 years old.
03/23/2007 16:47:12
 jim  Vegas,NV-SunsetPark-UglyDog
03/22/2007 09:53:31
 jim  Misc One Liners
Oscar Wilde
"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple."
Mark Twain
"First get your facts; then you can distort them at your leisure."
Benjamin Disraeli
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics."
W. I. E. Gates
"Then there was the man who drowned crossing a stream with an average depth of six inches".
Jim Cutlar
"There is sanity in knowing you are insane."
"The four most important things you should learn in life are: To listen, to pay attention to detail, and to count".
03/22/2007 09:22:54
 jim  Thanks for the submission software, Rudy!
That looks like its going to work Great! Believe it or not, without almost any kind of search engine help, this sites makes about $50 a month, through ads.
I wish I had this software when I launched LVDude last February.
That was such a dud!!!
Thanks for Office 2007 software too!
I owe ya, dude.
You sound like the kind of guy I'd like to know. You know hardware and hacks, and I can write stuff like that calculator in a couple of hours (I'm the best programmer I know, haha).
You should register with this site.
You can do a heck of a lot more with it if you did. For one thing, the links you add to your menu will show up anywhere you go, even at a public library.
When are coming over?
03/21/2007 15:38:40
 jim  Becky’s one liner of the day.
Al Gore, testified before houseplants today, that it is not too late to deal with global warming.
03/21/2007 15:30:00
 jim  Dustin’s one liner from last weekend
That ride on top of the Stratoshere is call the "Excreme".
03/21/2007 13:21:37
 jim  I have been studying other Notary sites
My Be Quick system got its design purely from my imagination, and by watching a notary for about an hour.
Its amazing how much you can surmize with little input.
Another site (NotarySoftware.Com) has a system for signing companies.
I was up a 4am this morning studying it.
It does pretty much the same thing my system does, but seems much more complicated.
If my software was to be adapted to theirs, it would be a total rerwrite. The reverse is true too. THAT'S GREAT!!!
It does offer some simple features that I don't have though.
-They use MSN Maps for their system. It looks like MSN will show you the route the agent will take.
-They bill by invoice. I bill based on COD, and therefore can take cash or credit.
The biggest advantage I have over the competition is
- My system is prettier.
- Its easy to learn.
- It has less clutter.
03/21/2007 11:56:59
 jim  Marcus Aurelius One Liners
Good and Bad
-A man's worth is no greater than his ambitions.
-A good man judges himself by a higher ideal.
-A bad man judges himself by a lower ideal.
-Be content with what you've become.
-Anything good is possible.
-Poverty is the mother of crime.
-Do good to others without thinking about what you have lost, like a bee makes honey, or a vine bears grapes.
-Accept and love your fate.
-Adapt yourself to what fate has dealt you.
-Love those who destiny brought to you.
-Each day provides its own gifts.
-Everything that happens, happens as it should.
-Look back over the past, with its changing empires that rose and fell, and you can foresee the future.
-All victory lies in the organization of its secrets.
-Do every task as if it were your last act.
-When in Rome, do as the Romans.
-If it is not right do not do it.
-If it is not true do not say it.
-Perhaps there are none more lazy, or more truly ignorant, than those who constantly read.
-Where a man can live, he can also live well.
The Mind
-You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.
-Anger cannot be dishonest.
-Beauty comes from within. Beauty is not made better or worse by praise.
-Aptitudes come from understanding. Aptitudes are often inherited.
-Genius comes from reason and imagination. Genius is rarely inherited.
-Confine yourself to the present.
-Desire make us its puppets.
-Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact.
-Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.
-Every act has a purpose.
-Broaden your mind by investigating systematically all that comes to you.
-Reject your injuries and the injury will disappear.
-Happiness depends on the quality of your thoughts
-Happiness is a decision that you make.
-Death releases us from our senses, desires, and mind. It frees us from the hard service of the flesh.
-Death is natural. Welcome it. It should not be feared.
-Not living life is worse than dying.
-Each thing is of like form from everlasting and comes round again in its cycle.
-Everything that exists is in a manner the seed of that which will be.
-Loss is nothing else but change, and change is Nature's delight.
-Men exist for the sake of one another.
-Life is what we think it is.
-The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.
-When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.  
03/21/2007 00:00:00
 jim  Spring Begins Today
So, put on your flowered dress, and go out and pick some flowers.
03/20/2007 13:59:05
 jim  I’m so old that
When I walk, I can hear my knees. I have to trim my toenails with a Dremel. I have a hat that says "Make Love, Not War". I think Nixon's tapped my phone. I blast the stereo so I can hear it. I have to ask others to read my notes. I sit on a donut. I drink Pepsi to burp. The bathroom is my favorite room and the bedroom isn't. The voice in my head sings Frank Sinatra songs. I still think the Monkeys are cool.I call everybody MAN. When I pass gas, I think there's someone knocking on my door. I think the bathroom mirror is ugly. I sort my sock drawer. I take sink baths and shower my dog. I pass people driving by braking. I only sleep for 2 hours, 6 times a day. I think there are little people in the TV. I talk to my dog and it answers. I save stamps and pennys for the investment. My hair brush has more hair than I do. I forget where I put my teeth. The newspaper I was reading turned out to be a Bounty Towel. I went out to get the mail and got lost. I went to the store to get memory enhancement drugs and came back with milk. I meant to put a leash on my dog, but ended up walking my blanket around the block. I'm still cooking a three minute egg from yesterday. I have put toothpaste in my hair and brushed my teeth with shampoo. I call blue jeans britches. I've forgotten what my feet look like.
03/20/2007 13:10:26
 jim  My sweetheart and I are so old that..
She combs her hair back and I comb my hair forward to hide the bald spot
She sleeps on my side of the bed, and I sleep on hers
We call each other by our middle names
She doesn't need a bra and I do
We quit sleeping spoons
Now we sleep like ladles
When she goes down on me, it's to tie my shoes
Our sex positions were whole numbers (1..69), now they're fractions (1/2..3/4)
03/20/2007 12:58:34
 jim  Something to offend everyone!
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?  Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?  The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone   
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?  The position of the dirt bag   
Why is divorce so expensive?  Because it's worth it   
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?  Doughnuts   
Why is air a lot like sex?  Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any   
What do you call a smart blonde?  A golden retriever   
What do attorneys use for birth control?  Their personalities   
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?  45 lbs   
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?  45 minutes   
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?  Through his chest with a sharp knife   
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?  Because those men already have boyfriends   
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?  After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?  The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving   
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?  Because they have cotton balls
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?  A porcupine has the pricks on the outside
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?  "Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?  Mace will do that to you
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?  Everyone has the same DNA
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?  Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it   
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?  A different bar   
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?  A speech impediment   
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?  They're hiring   
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?  Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!   
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?  A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..." 
03/20/2007 11:00:45
 jim  Female Prayer
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep. 
One who's  handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long.  
One who thinks before he speaks.
One who'll call, not wait for weeks. 
I pray he's gainfully employed.
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. 
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.  
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind.  
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" 
I pray that this man will love me to no end.
And always be my very best friend.  
03/20/2007 10:59:59
 jim  Male Prayer
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store, a golf course and a bass boat.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.
03/19/2007 23:48:17
 jim  Of all the things we own
Our point of view in this universe is our most unique possession. Perhaps, its the only thing we'll ever truly own.
03/19/2007 20:39:35
 jim  We were up all night working on text messaging.
In the notary site, if an order is place, a message is sent to the closest agent's phone (in this case, Becky's phone).
Becky would get the order in a text message, and reply to it.
I wrote a program that pulls those text message responses off the internet. That wasn't as easy as it sounds either.
Anyway, my program will update the database for the text message responses, eg-accepted or rejected.
It's all pretty cool, but we were up until 5am.
03/19/2007 20:30:00
 jim  Last night, we cruised the strip
I'll probably never know why it gets cold around the airport on Las Vegas Blvd S.
It drops about 10 degrees for about 1 mile.
We had the Mustangs top down, and I gotta tell ya, we noticed the temperature drop.
Thats the only place in Vegas that did that, and there's nothing special about the area.
03/18/2007 20:11:36
 jim  VegasStrip-Stratosphere,Mandalay,Circus,Stardust
03/17/2007 19:00:00
 Jim  St Patricks in Henderson
Dustin, Jennifer, Sonny, Becky and I all went to Henderson.
I'd dropped them off because it looked like there was going to be absolutely no place to park.
I was right. I had to park about a mile away.
ANYWAYS, Becky's cellphone somehow got set to vibrate mode, so I had to hunt them down.
I found them by walking with the parade! That was pretty cool.
The parade was, soso. Zelzah was there.
Later, we smoked some shiskabobs. They were pretty good.
03/13/2007 23:38:25
 jim  Great minds share the same question
Why does the universe exist at all?
Its obvious the universe has a purpose. Everything seems to have a purpose. God does not roll the dice.
The universe has reason. Nothing is random.
They all seem to believe in god, but they shun people who define god in their own image, as I do.
I have these few quotations of my own.
- A blade of grass has more technology than anything man has created.
- When someone tells you the saw one of god's miracles, they almost right.
   The miracle was that they can see. 
- Walking on water is no more of a miracle than building the pyramids, and less of a miracle than giving birth.
   But if that is what it takes to get someone one to do good, let them be.
- Preachers and politians have much in common.
   Except for the true believers, their true agenda is pleasure, power, or property.
- A truly intelligent person will question everything they hear and read.
- The least technologically capable, talk the most technical talk.
- By feeding people who are starving because their they've let their population exceed their food supply,
   you may save 100 people just to doom the next 1,000 babies.
- Of all human behaviors, eating meat is probably the most disgusting.
- We owe water for tommorrow, we owe food for the month, we owe plants for the century,
   we owe the earth for our everything. We are here because it wants us to be here.
- The fertilized egg that created us, is more intelligent than its creation.

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