jim

Tuesday, February 01, 2005 at 10:09:49 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Have you ever tried to plan your retirement? Think about disabilty.
Among the other things Sonny and I talked about was retirement planning.
I know that I can receive $1,500 a month on disability now.
Or I could wait for Social Security and get $800 at 62, or $1,500 at 70.
Lets do some math on that $1,500 disability!:
$1,500 a month x 12 = $18,000 a year.
Add on Food Stamps: $100 x 12 = $1,200 a year + $18,000 = $19,200 a year total.
I'd have to have invested $340,000 at 5% interest to equal a disabilty income of $19,000.
I'm not even going to mention taxation rules on disability.
But that's no all -- Medicaid kicks and the health insurance is free at a 0% deductable.
All health needs are free. I could go to the doctor to treat a cold!
Well, simply put, I can't get that period.
Insurance for me at 49 with preexisting conditions would cost $800 a month with a $5,000 deductable, and I pay 20% after the deductable is met.
In other words, $100,000 in health care would cost me $25,000.
For argument's sake, I'll use the $800 I would pay for crappy insurance. $800 x 12 = $9,600 a year.
I would have to have $192,000 a year invested at 5% to pay for crappier health insurance than Medicaide.
I should mention at this point, I can get Albuterol through the internet for $10 an inhaler. Through insurance, the pharmacist wants $80 an inhaler, so we in the United States have incredibly inflated prices on pharmaceutical goods.
$340,000 + $192,000 = $532,000
To equal the the benifits of those on disability I'd need $532,000 invested at 5%.
In other words, even when I was consulting making $140,000 a year, I never had a chance to retire early.
But I mentioned disability didn't I? How do you get that?
I know several people, one in Hawaii (ex-teacher,alcoholic), one in Sacramento (no occupation,panic attacks), that got on disability. You either get a social security lawyer or know the ropes, get a physicalogist referral, shift your assets if any, file the papers and BINGO, you've become the equivalent of a $500,000 retiree at 49. The girl in Hawaii gets free housing near the beach, and Hawaii even pays for auto insurance. Its not fair is it?
Now, a lot of people were raised not to think this way.
But who is smarter, the parents that taught their kids not to work the system and to work until their 70, or the people who are now working the system? Who had more free time to enjoy life?

Monday, January 31, 2005 at 22:54:50 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Sonny, Becky and I ate a Joes Crab Shack
But never mind that...we got into descussion about free electrons, free protons and yada.....
But never mind that...We stumbled on this cool link about the creation of the universe!
PBS's interactive timeline of the universes creation.

Monday, January 31, 2005 at 21:36:46 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
ENERGY AND VIGOR ARE PRECIOUS!
Vacuumed the ductworks, ceiling fan, cleaned the air filter, washed the windows. Blew off the front and back porches. Cleaned and cloroxed the water softener's brine tank and resin bed. Refilled the brine tank with 240lbs of sodium nitrate. Cleaned the 60" TV screen (that's not as easy as it sounds) and realigned the guns. This place smells great.
Oddly enough, I tested my eyesight earlier today and my right eye stunk. Eight hours later, after airing out the house and working outside alot, it's back to being okay.

Monday, January 31, 2005 at 10:15:22 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Web Research: Eye Exams...I did some researching into my failing eyesight and found this
Check out this link: Shows a variety of ailments
Check out this link: Serious Eye Exam
Check out this link too: Test Eye Memory
You'll be amazed at your results.

Monday, January 31, 2005 at 08:20:31 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Ah, what a beautiful morning
I feel clear finally. I can see much better. We slept good. It's been quite a while since I've felt this kind of energy. Yipee!
Back to my sick house...what is the problem here? I turned the heat down, its cool in here, but I feel good now. I got to thinking about my air conditioner and it's past. The heat exchanger has cracked twice in the past leaking loads of CO into the house. I'd that f'er cracked again. It must have a poor design to it.
Today, I'm going to install Carbon Monoxide Detectors, check the air conditioner heat exchange, check the exhaust for the water heater, and fix a small leak in my bathrooms skylight.
Becky's going to vacuum everything and dust everything.
We're both going to bleach the water softener system and recharge it.
So it should be a fun day!.

Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 22:42:08 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Now heres a frightening thought. We might have Carbon Monoxide poisoning
I'd never even thought of that. The roofers out here are crap. Two reroofs ago they tiled over a skylight. The last reroof, they sprayed on styrofoam. I wouldn't even be surprised if they blocked up my gas water heater vent. It's in the center of the house.
I you want a shabby roof job, get one in Vegas BTW.
I've had 5 roofs in 20 years. Not a very good average. And those guy, well, they do terrible work with little recourse to get back at them. They own nothing. They hire bums. Their bond is a joke. The Nevada State Commission fines them $120 for $200,000 of bad roofs with code violations. They pay and stay, or don't pay and open shop in Arizona for 5 years, then come back. It's a terribly bad deal for homeowners here.

Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 15:49:29 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
I now know what's been making me ill
It's not anything I thought it was. We've been hanging around the house for almost all of December and January. I went out today. After 3 hours, my throat's not sore, I don't ache, my heads almost all the way clear, and I'm not sweating. Sheesh.
My house has spores somewhere.

Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 10:15:07 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Ever wonder if someday we'll refer to this country as "Los Estados Unidos de América" someday?
Maybe “Bring Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Criminals…” applies to this country.
But so does "Bring Me Your Business and We'll Create A Better World"
Immigration laws are changing all of the time. It's too bad the world's countries can't drop their borders and let this be a free world for all people. But, the United States is the most powerful country in the world. We can't share that, can we now?
Greed is the force that drives nature.

Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 10:03:18 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
I love fresh ideas!
I have a story of creation and the end based on the constant decay of protons, but I'll save that for another day when I have more time.
Today may be a mountainous snow day for Becky and the kids.
I still feel like crap though. Becky and I didn't get to sleep until 5am this morning. We're sweating, got sore throats, and I've got a cloud in my head that won't go away.

Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 09:51:28 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Ida's thinking about starting a business called "The Happy Housekeeper"
Kind of catchy name don't you think? I like it!
If I don't start feeling better sometime in the next few months, I'm going on disability.
But if I do, I may go with that name. I've have a friend who'll teach me everything I need to know about the janitorial business in Las Vegas.
Once again, thanks Ida.

Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 09:42:17 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Temporin: A temporary cavity filler that I heard about from Ida
Thanks Ida! I knew it wasn't anebesol. I've got a cavity that bugs the heck out of me. You're an Angel Ida. I used some stuff before that lasted two weeks.
I'd like to have the stuff that the dentist uses. I'm sure its got to be cheaper than two visits totalling $400 for one tooth.

Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 00:06:11 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Hot Dangit!
I ate some cube steak. It stuck. That's twice this month. I'm lucky to get it down. The last time I couldn't, it cost $5,000 for surgery.
Sometimes, I think nature is cruel to let us grow old and frail, but I know somehow its in Gods plan.
I'm really sorry to hear my Dad is losing Lottie (his wife for twenty years).
She's going to a home that can care for her. She's Eighty. He's Eighty-Two. That seems to be a cruel reality of nature.
In the beginning, everything was a dark void.
The dark void evolved into matter
Inorganic Matter evolved into Inoganic Systems.
Inorganic Systems evolved into Organic Systems (Life)
Life evolved into Self Aware Life (People)
People created Intelligent Inorganic Systems (Computers)
- Computers extracted energy from inorganic matter.
- Computers were repairable.
- They could be expanded and improved.
- They became so fault tolerant, they never died.
- Computers evolved to became self aware like us.
- Computers needed inorganic systems, not organic systems.
- People became extinct as computers took their rightful place in the evolution.
Universal Systems were created by Computers as they evolved.
The Universe was absorbed by these Universal Systems in a quest for greater expansion.
In the end, everything became a dark void.
Like our lives: From not-living, to living, to not-living.
We are part of a whole system of creation and destruction.
Nothing is created or destroyed. It just evolves.
Nature creates and destroys everything in its evolution.
All of this, everything, will be absorded then dissolved.
Or was the Big Bang the beginning of everything? LOL.
Hey, I can write fiction sometimes. Or is it fiction? I think it is the truth.

Saturday, January 29, 2005 at 19:31:55 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Pretty cool Ida! I liked that!
Becky, Skip and I were sitting in here. Becky and I were swetting up a storm. I'd sure like to know what's going on with our bodies. Wow.
Thankyou.

Saturday, January 29, 2005 at 17:15:25 (PST) <Ida>
Becky & Jim here's a stress reliever game you may like.......http://www.davidandgoliathtees.com/games/throwrocks.html

Saturday, January 29, 2005 at 15:28:18 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Anyway, the bottom line is
We should:
- move out of state
- get the health care we so desparately need
- get some money coming in
And we should do it in the next few months.

Saturday, January 29, 2005 at 14:12:02 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
I should delete that last entry.

Saturday, January 29, 2005 at 13:56:38 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
"Save my soul I'm going down for the last time"
Well, not really. But I know things have to change.
I helped Robert out with his truck.
I towed it, then paid for the Car Doctor to fix it. That was money I needed.
He wrecked the truck and wanted my help to get to work. I told him to find another way. I was hungover and wouldn't drive. I won't risk having a seizure on the road. Then he asked to borrow my truck. I said no. Somewhere along the way, someone told Grandmal that I'd been drinking.
Grandmal is going after Becky for child support
She kicks Becky out so she can live with the kids rent free. Steals Beckys last SS check. Then goes after Becky for child support, meaning Becky should move out of state. And she thinks she's teaching the kids good ways. Wonderful example!
I'm helping Skip get his act together
Any money I give him goes to alcohol or gambling. He is trying to find work though. But it'll cost me for him to find work.
I let David stay the night last night.
We watched movies, and got two large pizza's. He hit me up for money today.
I'm an alcoholic, and I need help
I don't want to die, but I will if I don't get help. My mind is going, I have a host of problems (carpal tunnel and hip pain). I can't afford health insurance. My mind needs to be retrained. I need insurance or to go on disability.
I'll be broke in two years
I wouldn't hire someone like me. People think I'm made of money because I have property. I earned everything I have. I'll end up homeless if things don't change. How many people can I help when nothing is coming in?
On the plus side
Becky loves me with all of her heart. It's mutual. Most of the people I know would be lucky to have love like ours.
Mikey has turned out to be one of the most honorable people I've ever known.
Sonny is totally trustworthy.
Skip when he gets his act together will overpay me everything that I've thrown his way.
I still have my integrety. I care, I help people, I do nice things for people every day. I'm a good person.
But I need help now or I'll die.
These are the days of my life.

Friday, January 28, 2005 at 16:47:14 (PST) <Mike>
Jimmy... Headhunters are a rare breed and very superstitious. They'd just as much as anything submit everybody, qualified for a job or not, to a job opening and have the person interviewed and hired. But, they develop a certain level of experience to know certain things happen under certain job market conditions. If the market were really hot for jobs (they were plentyful), hiring managers at Kevin's clients would be begging for any sort of qualified candidate. But, as Kevin explained, a hiring manager, correct or not in doing so, only seems to want to see workers a bit more current. I ran into it when I was looking in 2001-2003 too. Like Don Catino who told me he wouldn't submit me to a job I was 100% qualified for, because I had only been out of work 20 months, while John Doe was out of work for 22 months. Like I cared!!!

Thursday, January 27, 2005 at 11:00:58 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
BTW Mikey
I know you're right about my resume being inactive for 3 years. People are so picky. Kevin saw my resume and thought that was a problem. I wonder if brick layers get into trouble by taking some time off. ***SMILES***

Thursday, January 27, 2005 at 10:56:58 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Yea Mikey...I had a simular problem creating a dual boot c: drive
I wanted Windows 2000 server and Window98 to run on the same system. It was a real pain. I think when you do that, you get a file called boot.sys which you can edit, but it's risky.

Thursday, January 27, 2005 at 10:19:00 (PST) <Mike - The one who calls Squirty a cat...>
Jimmy... What you up to these days? That Linux I bought at Fly's hosed my system. It went and totally repartitioned my HDD even when I said not to do so. Now I am fighting to get the liptop running again. Have a recent backup, but it's a pain. In a Internet Cafe right now. Long live MS Windows... Down with Linux... At least poorly written installation packages. Oh, btw, Good Morning Ms. Rebecca (Grandma)...

Thursday, January 27, 2005 at 05:11:27 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
I woke up early this morning around 4am
Already, I've chatted with Allen Harmon (who's in Missouri). Jeanette just called (who's in California). David and Sonny came over yesterday, and my phone was ringing off the hook.
Jeanette worry's me. It's a strange time to call. She talked to me like Rob did before he committed suicide. That's a scary thought but they definitely have a purpose.

Thursday, January 27, 2005 at 04:52:06 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
I've been reading about life extensionist and life regeneratists.
Life extensionist believe they can extend life multifold. They may take drugs on the following list: Life Extending Drugs
Life regeneratists believe that in 200 or more years, mankind will be able to revive the dead. I do! So they have themselves frozen.
I wonder if that's what ancient the Indians and Egyptians thougth during mummyfication
Makes since, if you believe our species will just keep getting more intelligent.
I've read that our life expency has increased:
By fewer baby deaths. That would throw off the average. I've also read that better meds are the reason too, but unless it's antibiotics, I'm not seeing much coming from science (VIOX, steriods,...). The general concensious is that life prolonging drugs have been found and not released to the public. HGH (Human Growth Hormone) would be my pick. It actually reverses aging.
My guess is nature has designed us to live 70 years.
Changing your diet, taking aspirins, doing drugs and working out don't really change our life styles that much. Those different things aren't cumulitive. In other words, you quit smoking (adds 6 years to your life span), quit drinking (5 years). Together, they don't increase your lifespan 11 years. Dieting and exercise don't seem to our increase live span.
I'm only talking about this because I don't want to die, ever.
Twenty years from now, technology will be light-years ahead. But besides that, most of my good friends and best relatives are dead. I really don't want to join, ever.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005 at 20:45:35 (PST) <Ida>
HEY JIM! WELL JUST FINISHED CHATTING WITH THE NEW FELLA........tOM'S HIS NAME....LOL......AND HE THREW ME A HUGE CURVE.....AS WE TALKED FOR THE LONGEST TIME......HE SAYS.......NOT BEING TOO FORWARD .........BUT I THINK IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.........I JUST FROZE IN MY CHAIR HERE AS EVERY NERVE IN MY BODY TINGLED..........IT WAS THE STRANGEST FEELING I'VE HAD...........I WAS STUNNED........AT A LOSS FOR WORDS......I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO REPLY........HE MAKES ME HAPPY.....I AM SO GLAD I CONSENTED TO MEET WITH HIM AFTER HE HOUNDED ME FOR WEEKS.....WE HAVE GREAT TIMES TOGETHER(NOT JUST SEX EITHER)......WE BOTH HAVE MUCH IN COMMON. AND HE LIVES IN THE WOODS ON 15 BEAUTIFUL ACRES OF LAND THAT HE OWNS..WHAT I MEAN IS...IT'S PAID FOR.......WHO KNOWS?????LOL.....JUST MAYBE.........MAYBE....THIS COULD BE HIM.......LOL....BUT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE.........LOL.....TIME WILL TELL......HUGS ......LUV YA TWO..........

Monday, January 24, 2005 at 21:01:14 (PST) <Ida(WHAT HAVE WE DONE)>
AFTER JUST RECEIVING AN EMAIL FROM A FRIEND I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD.......... AND THIS IS WHAT I CAME UP WITH: IT SEEMS YEARS AGO PEOPLE LIVED LONGER, WENT TO THE DOCTOR LESS. KIND OF MAKES YOU THINK A LOT ABOUT THIS FACT. DO YOU THINK ALL THE PRESERVATIVES THAT IS IN EVERYTHING HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS? WE ADDED PRESERVATIVES TO PRESERVE FOOD........BUT IS IT PRESERVING US? OR DESTROYING US? ARE WE NOT GOING TO THE DOCTORS MORE DUE TO HEART PROBLEMS,DIABETES,CANCER.....BECAUSE OF ALL THE PRESERVATIVES THAT ARE IN JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING WE CONSUME OR USE IN OUR EVERYDAY NORMAL LIVES. NOT ONLY IS IT IN THE FOOD WE EAT BUT ALSO IN THE THINGS WE USE TO CLEANSE OURSELVES WITH. GOOD HEALTHY EATING OF COMMON FOODS KEPT US FROM BEING SICK. GOOD CLEANSING WITH NOT ALL THE ADDITIVES KEPT US CLEAN AND FRESH SMELLING, FOR WE WERE CLEAN AND NOT MASKED WITH ALL THESE PERFUMES ETC. FARM ANIMALS WERE NOT INJECTED WITH MEDS TO MAKE THEM GROW MORE OR LARGER THEY WERE GRAZING NATURALLY. EVERYTHING WAS NATURAL AND NOT ARTIFICIAL. EVEN TO THE TOBACCO PEOPLE ROLLED THEIR OWN AS THEY GREW THE TOBACCO WITHOUT ALL THE ADDITIVES TO KEEP IT FRESH? SO IS THIS WHY A LOT OF PEOPLE DIE FROM CIGARETTES NOW? SO ALL IN ALL ARE THESE THINGS REALLY GOOD? LIKE DOES MILK REALLY DO A BODY GOOD? JUST WHAT IS IN THE MILK? OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MATTER?.........THINK ABOUT THIS AND GIVE ME YOUR VIEWS ON THIS ........

Monday, January 24, 2005 at 14:09:03 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Theres an 'In God we trust' on every penny we spend
I'm not sure what that means...who'se god, who believes in God these days. Let me say this...in all of the worlds intracasies, with all of life's secrets, how can we not believe there's a designer.

Monday, January 24, 2005 at 12:57:36 (PST) <Ida>
A Penny You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about. Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house. The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely. As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment. Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts. Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny. He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up? Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She causally mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value. A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this? "Look at it." He said. "Read what it says." She read the words "United States of America." "No, not that; read further." "One cent?" "No, keep reading." "In God we Trust?" "Yes!" "And?" "And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold.. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful. When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, "In God We Trust," and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message. It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient...

Monday, January 24, 2005 at 07:53:52 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
To anybody out there playing the Job Hunting Game
Remember thats it is on longer what you can do, it's how well you are liked. That's the key.

Monday, January 24, 2005 at 07:50:09 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Like I said, my blog only lives when people live it.
Here, I splat out words thats probably meaningless to most people. To some, its a chance to say something. This is my chance to make a difference.

Monday, January 24, 2005 at 07:36:17 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Its off our asses to talk our shit
Still, I have nothing laughable as a job. Nobody want's to hire me with an attidude like I'm better than everyone else. I wanna be a nigger! LOL

Monday, January 24, 2005 at 05:38:29 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Paradoxes
A paradox is a structure that ends where it begins, like the beginning of a circle.
A paradox is life.
Why should we be necessary to this world. Viruses retain their memories from life time to life time. They infect an absorbent cell. They have no means to reproduce. They just infect. They are the retaineres of the secrets of life.

Monday, January 24, 2005 at 05:13:03 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Ever get stuck on a phrase?
The truth is a lie yet discovered.
I love you means that some day I'll hate you.
Someday, never comes!
God is love! And he'll strike you down in hell fire if you don't worship him!
Ya know what I especially love about this life...it's my dog. Squirt loves me unconditionally. He's right here at my feet, right now. He doesn't care that I'm simi-wasted. He's just there, giving me his all.
Most of the people I know now are wonderful
Of all the people I know now, there's only a few that I object too. Even they aren't that bad. They mean good. And, well, isn't that all that counts. Nobody's so smart that they predict how things will fall once an item is laid down.
I think that if we try to do good, without telling everyone that your neighbor Mrs Brown needs to be HUNG
Then you're on the right track! **smiles**

Monday, January 24, 2005 at 05:01:03 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Yesterday was just another day, but unlike no other
Becky's mom brought Dustin and Jennifer over, then she picked them up four hours later. That was GREAT! I didn't want to be out there driving around.
Robert said Joy's dad (or granddad) wrecked Robert's truck
Uh Oh! That's incredibly bad news. I mentioned quietly destroying the vehicle (like most people do), but now, that's not possible unless the whole thing is totally demolished. sheesh.
I did something terrible.
Robert asked me if he could use my truck. I turned him down. My reasons were thoroughly selfish. Self preservation should be at the top of anyone's list. Giving should be second. If giving is first, then you've got to have faith in God to take care of you. I can't rely on God myself. I just think he acts through me.

Sunday, January 23, 2005 at 01:26:47 (PST) <Ida>
Just checked the blog and it's just a beating.....LOL..rocking today or so it seems. I love squirty he types so well. Where is my picture of this cute little pup?

Sunday, January 23, 2005 at 00:19:16 (PST) <robert>
If you get caught between the moon and New York City
Its the thing....its about love and the place...feel yourself...feel the place!

Saturday, January 22, 2005 at 23:51:54 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
I've got to say this!
My dreams about going north, when the roads run out...when I'm at the worlds freezing point is not about me committing suicide...it's about self preservation.
I believe, in 20 years or so, science will have the ability to raise the dead. I would want to be one of exceptional people. You don't get that way by being a meter reader. You get that way by being exceptional or different.
Think about it...why would future society dig you up?

Saturday, January 22, 2005 at 23:42:27 (PST) <Squirty>
Mike, Becky, Sonny, Joy, Robert, Cheryl, Jan, Rob, Timmy...all you guys
The world works on momentum. 100 years, nothing will matter, except for the way we care about each other. These moments are so special! Thanks for being in my life!

Saturday, January 22, 2005 at 23:37:20 (PST) <Squirty>
Now that's what I'm talking about
Mike spent the day with us. Never mind, that I had a few drinks on Wednesday and have to drink to avoid a seizure...never mind that thats just the way it is.
I loved the day because Mike was here. He's just a simple, but beautiful person! So kind. Totally generous. He's just a good man. Like the man I hope I'll be some day.
I've padded my world with people like Mike.
They aren't rich. They aren't exceptional by national standards. They are special by my standards. These are the people I didn't have time for back when I was so busy building a career.

Saturday, January 22, 2005 at 16:59:56 (PST) <Squirty>
hello everybody
Wow I woke up after sleeping 14 hrs tonight I slept so good even though the bed is hard as a rock I slept awesome. Jim comes in talking about dreams, you know dreams are a wonderful thing to me it takes me to another world we dont even know exist and its just another part of u that nobody else can get into to. well Jim and Mike are off to the road again. Oh yea Hello Mike good to see you. well love u all.

Saturday, January 22, 2005 at 16:33:01 (PST) <Squirty>
Hello. My name is Squirty, and I am Jim and rebecca's little puppy dog. Excuse me for any mistyped words, as I never went to school and my paws don't fit this keyboard. Just wanted to thank everybody for the attention, but who is that guy in the brown shirt who keeps calling me a cat?

Saturday, January 22, 2005 at 16:25:39 (PST) <Mike>
Long live Jimmy and Ms. Rebecca... It's so great seeing them both... Now I know I was born for more than just eating corn and playing my horn...

Saturday, January 22, 2005 at 14:28:24 (PST) <Joy>
Hey Jim,Becky,squirt Thanks for everything. You guys have helpd me Robert and Amy out alot and if I could I would repay you. I just wanted to say thanx a bunch. I dont think i say it enough so thanx.

Saturday, January 22, 2005 at 10:00:44 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
The day took off with a BANG
Becky's mom called at 9:30. I told her we were picking up a friend at the airport. Boy, is she pissed! Oh well, she's always pissed about something. I'd guess we wrecked her shopping day or something. Still, I should apologize.
Robert and Joy are sleeping in. Skip's watching a movie. Becky's blow drying her hair. I'm ready to go, but here I am waiting for the next move. ** smiles **. Life is good!

Saturday, January 22, 2005 at 00:27:15 (PST) <robert>
HELLO EVERYBODY
How are you guys. This is great spending the night at your house visiting and watchin movies. I love it. I feel like this is my real family. Well, I love you guys much and will chat to u later

Saturday, January 22, 2005 at 00:25:44 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Now that's AMAZING
I showed Robert how to key in some simple HTML...and he absorbed it all...the first time, right off the bat. This is a guy I want by my side. You can email me Robert at Robert at msn.com

Saturday, January 22, 2005 at 00:11:21 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Robert and Joy are spending the night
I'm gonna pick up Mike at the airport at 10:30 tommorrow morning.
This should be an interesting weekend. The kind I like.
Now, the night started with replacing Robert's left brake rotor with one that was legal. The car lot sold him a defective vehicle. That shouldn't go unchecked. But in this case it will. Buyer beware is only ineffect for person to person purchases.
The brakes could have caused death. That's reason to pursue the perpetrator. The car lot that sold him a vehicle, with one rotor under specs, and the other at specs. That is unconscionsable. But...then again, the evidence sits in my dumpster. hmmm.

Friday, January 21, 2005 at 23:26:51 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
The BLOG...IT'S ALIVE!!!!
Thanks Ida. It's alive...It's alive...It's alive...
As long as we're alive, this blog will be here, and I'm gonna love you forever!
Think about this: This blog may outlive us both...I'm going to finance it to be that way.
Now, nothing we write will be in stone, but it will be written...and that's cool! History is what people write down from their point of view.

Friday, January 21, 2005 at 23:07:53 (PST) <Ida>
HEAVY WORKLOAD THIS WEEKEND JIM SO GUESS I WILL MISS YA....DOING A LOAD OF LAUNDRY....HAD A GREAT DAY.........MISS YA....KEEP THE BLOG GOING......I LOVE IT......IDA

Friday, January 21, 2005 at 09:48:27 (PST) <Mike Ginsburg>
Jimmy.... Hope all is well. Just sent you a lengthy email. Also, the headhunter called me this morning and sai the phone interview went very well yesterday.

Friday, January 21, 2005 at 09:38:39 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Ahern Rentals hired Robert as a truck driver. He'll be making $12.50 an hour
That sounds pretty decent. He said Ahern will train him for a CDL license. That's so much better than being a security guard!

Thursday, January 20, 2005 at 15:19:10 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Have you ever had a 5 inch hair sprout from your eyebrow overnight?
A white hair popped out of my eyebrow sometime last night. wow.
Where do they come from? Can the hair be filmed spouting from your head? How does it work?
I've always had the notion that the hair is coiled up under the skin and at the right time shoots out. "Curious Minds" wants to know!

Thursday, January 20, 2005 at 13:47:26 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Oh no...we just got up in the afternoon
Wow...that wrecks the whole day!
I talked to Mike Ginsburg. I was worried about him, and until today I havent' been able to contact him. He's cool. When I talked to him on his cell phone, his other phone rang, and it was a phone interview. Cool! Good for him.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 at 20:53:56 (PST) <Ida>
Hi Jim! I guess you aren't online yet. I still have this damn stomach crap whatever it is.
Good News! Mom did excellent with her eye surgery today!! I take her back tomorrow for a follow up. I had to ask Brad to let me off tomorrow. Prick loaded my schedule up! I'd asked for Friday off to go out to dinner with a bunch of friends and he scheduled me. Go figure! He's my boss.......lol guess he can do that. Anyway I hope to write more later on when I am feeling better. This is the worst I've ever felt in my life . I remember Allen's remedy about "toast' and being a sponge.......well he was right as usual.......I am eating dry toast and feeling a bit better. I am afraid to eat anything except toast or 7up. LOL.....maybe I'll lose some of this "fat".....
I luv ya Jim my friend........Hugs

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 at 00:00:00 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
I grabbed a copy of Eliza on the net. I'm gonna make the program talk like me.
This is fun! The program is written in JavaScript, which, I think, is one of the most elegant languages around these days. Eliza is a computer program that is designed to chat with anyone, using Rogerian Psychology. It takes what a person says, conjugates the sentences (turns I am to you are), then looks for key words in the sentence, and then it spits out a response. With a few tweaks, it can talk like anybody with a personality. I should have it posted on the net in a couple of days (but I'll say its my 24x7 Instant Messenger).

Tuesday, January 18, 2005 at 00:00:00 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Robert and Joy brought little Amy over
Little Amy is SO CUTE! She's smiling now.
They said Paul (Becky's brother) is kicking them out in 2 months. They think Gramma wants to move Renee back in.
So now, how does it go?
Gramma is tired of cleaning the house. She gets Paul to evict Robert, Joy, and the baby. Robert pays rent to Paul, but that doesn't do Gramma any good. Gramma doesn't pay rent. Gramma tells Paul she wants to move Renee (Becky's daughter) back in. Paul kicked Renee out because she was having sex with kids in front of the children and doing other unconscionable things. However, Renee is a very good housekeeper. It's no secret that Paul and Renee have a special thing going. Once again, I'm thoroughly disgusted with Gramma. She's supports incest or anything else to that gets her own wants. She has no conscience, and she'll step on anybody who gets in her way, even if only just slightly, and Paul is her dupe. She's going to hell if there is one.
We've got to get Becky's kids out of that house!

Monday, January 17, 2005 at 15:51:38 (PST) <Ida >
Thanks Jim ! It is so wonderful chatting with you. What a great friend you are to me.
No wonder I love you like I do, even though we have never met face to face.....tell Becky I love her as well. Now go watch that movie before you have to take it back .........Love ya.....

Monday, January 17, 2005 at 11:17:06 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Martin Luther Kings Birthday
I got up this morning with good intentions. Here it is 11:15am, and still don't have my eyes fully openned. Its a strange time. By chance, it seems Becky and I've chatted with all Allen and most of his old girlfriends today. I gotta get a life!
I emailed Michelle (headhunter) this morning
Called her Laura (another headhuter) by mistake...sheese. That's so embarrassing. She said Northrop isn't replacing Mike, and that's good news!

Sunday, January 16, 2005 at 04:26:38 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Tender Years
When the moon hung soft and low, catchin' stardust in the light
You held me closer and closer. There was magic in the night
A sweet love song, a melody...that I still can recall
Two young hearts filled with dreams, to walk away with it all
A summer love, a beach romance, I sought her kisses in the sand
Two young hearts filled with fire. Lost in never-neverland
Oh tender years. Won't you wash away my tears
How I wish that you were here. Please don't go tender years.
Please don't go.

Sunday, January 16, 2005 at 04:01:44 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
DREAMLAND
Here I am, waking up at 2am from another dream
I drempt Rob called me on the phone. I was sitting at my laptop and Death, my old friend, was sitting in the living room. Rob said "I just called to see how you were". I said "Rob, I need you, we're partners, I love ya man". Rob said "yea" like he was smiling but busy doing something. I said "Say something! Drop whatever you're doing". Rob said "ok" but he still sounded distant. I told Death, "Rob's on the phone, see I told you he calls me". Death seemed mildly surprised, but probably didn't believe me. I wanted to put Rob on the speaker phone, but he wasn't saying much anyway. I woke up, and remembered more dreams.
Cool dream, I think.
I've enjoyed my dreams since I was probably 4.
I used to fly around in my bed with two angels. The three of us would fly around the world. I used to wake up laughing alot! Dreams are always great.
I've always thought of dreams as a friend, a link to my subconscience.
We are more than what we seem to be. Our subsconscious tags along with us quietly day after day. Dreams provide easy access to it. I've used dreams to solve problems that are out of reach to my conscious. I go to bed with a problem and wake up with the answers. It always works. I also think of my subconsious as if it were a communicator with God.
I break down every dream, no matter how silly
They are easy to understand, and easy to break down with practice. They usually don't mean much. Most of the time, they are a patchwork of memories strewn out over the last day, week, year and over a life time. They stitch themselves together at night to somehow relate to the day gone by. The best part of breaking down dreams is the more I do it, the more I understand this wonderful life.
I've reached deeper, more beautiful levels of consciousness through hallucinagens.
I don't do that any more, but I have seen the other levels of the mind. I know they exists and are there all of the time just like the subconscious. These worlds were either projected from within my mind, or I was able to see them through access to additional senses. Whatever the case, I've seen "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds".
I drempt gravity is the result of all mass expanding at light speed.
Gravity works through subatomic particles that have no mass influencing particles that do. How else would mass attract mass from all sides, and all levels? I've heard mass is supposed to cause a warp in the space-time continuum, but you could say that about a rock thrown in a pond.
Only in dreams, you say. But when you know that everything you see is made up of molecules vibrating at the speed of light, anything might be possible. Or maybe there is a graviton. lol. Anyway, it seemed like a simple solution to me.
Maybe gravity works on sympathetic vibration somehow, like magnetism. That's how radio's work. For a radio to work, a magnetic vibration (carrier) is sent out, with various levels of stength (amplitude). The radio recieves all vibrations withing the scope of its antenna. A tuner sychronizes with the carrier and converts it to its built in vibration (intermediate). The intermediate frequency is stripped out, leaving the various levels of strength (amplitude). The amplitude is the sound information which then is amplified to the speakers.
Simple enough, but to make it work, the founders had to experiment with all kinds of configurations of crystals, coils, capacitors and diodes. You could easily build something simular using gears or hydraulics.
The simplest example of sympathetic vibration can be shown with tuning forks
You take a 'D' tuning fork and strike it. If you have several other tuning forks of different sizes lined up near by with a 'D' tuning fork in them, you'd notice that the 'D' tuning fork is influenced the most by the sound. It starts vibrating and that's sympathetic vibration.
If a perfect vacuum doesn't exist, then space is an ocean of matter.
I would think black holes are a perfect vacuum though. I wish I could live to see more space exploration. Imagine a vast region of seemingly empty space which consists of molecules never found before. With DNA being so incredible on the micro levels, anything is possible on the macro levels. The universe could be part of cell of something unimaginably huge.
That would be one of the 26+ dimensions. A point, line, square, cube, time, perspective, micro, macro, vibration,...I'll look them up sometime. I would think consciousness would be a dimension of though.
Goodnight all...I'm going back into Dreamland to talk to my friend Rob again!

Saturday, January 15, 2005 at 05:23:07 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
WE ALL ARE ON THE BORDERLINE OF INSANITY
I woke up this AM coughing, dang flu just won't let go!
I was dreaming about the flu and how these little germs were flying around the bedroom like the fighter jets at Nellis. How do germs survive when its not the flu season? I've got a theory, I think they've got a little base camp set up on my bathroom wall, or maybe in my toothbrush.
It surves me right though, with all the things I've eaten, it's about time something ate me. I never think it might be something I can't even see.
Delirious at 4am. I never have nightmares, I guess because I like horror shows, but
Sometimes I hit on thoughts that are so odd. I sometimes wonder if my oldest sister, Linda, became insane from a single thought. What could it be? I figure insanity is when the world inside the mind becomes more real than the world outside. There's got to be a lot of truth to that.
I was watching an episode of CSI: Las Vegas
It showed a crack whore on Washington and D street (the dark side of Vegas). She was in withdrawels. She said, "I drempt Adam and Eve took me to a drive-in. The movie was about my life. I didn't want to watch it. Adam told me that God said I had to, so I watched to the end."
The bizarre thoughts of schizophrenics have always fascinated me.
But there I was in bed, dreaming about flu germs flying in formation. At least my dreams are kind of funny.
Continuing this thought line, I had a DUI in 1985, where I talked an insane guy
Now, I wasn't in jail that long, and I hated it, but there was this one big guy, sitting on a bench, watching the ground and waving his hands around. I sat next to him, and he asked me for a cigarette. I asked him what he was doing. He said, Las Angelos has scabs living underground. I'm blowing them up. I thought about that. In this jail, with one TV and 20 people, and bologna sandwiches made with yellow bread, he was content. I hated being there, but he was ok. If I had that kind of vivid imagination there's no telling what kind of books I could write.
Creativity and intelligence are natures greatest inventions. With art, music and story telling being an offshoot, insanity must belong right in there with them, as so are our dreams.

Thursday, January 13, 2005 at 23:12:29 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
I gotta admit, I've got a lot of faith
I contacted STJ Inc today, talked to Jay Westbrook. It may go nowhere, but, its a shot. Mike Ginsburg's contract is up in LA, he's going through STJ for a new one. They've got some spots opened in Florida.
I don't know where or what I'm going to be doing next, but I'm not worried.
I've always pulled through with something. Something always comes up. I doubt if I'll ever eat out of a dumpster for survival. I have a lot of faith in life. I do good, it'll come back. We all die, so everything in between is free.
I want a Burping Becky Baby Doll for my Birthday
I guess I got my present early. lol. We polished off a Chinese Buffet tonight, came home and she gave me my birthday present while sitting on the couch - A Burping Becky Baby Doll. Life is good!

Wednesday, January 12, 2005 at 08:56:40 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Flipper saves Indonesians
A dolphin was washed in-shore in SE Asia. Fishermen, and emerency crews spent days rescuing the beached dolphin. After returning the dolphin to the ocean, hungry villagers caught him, and ate him. Dolphins are a mans best friend,especially if you're hungry!

Tuesday, January 11, 2005 at 12:27:22 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Checked out ParaToys.Com
Just curious how much a tour business might cost. Looks like a dual seated trike should end up costing around $20,000. Hmmm. Not as cheap as I expected.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005 at 10:42:25 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Winds are high in Vegas
The winds blew down my back neighbors fence (it was his silly solution to keeping in his dogs). He put up fiberglass awning material that was 10' high. Now its everywhere. Silly people. He should have let the dogs put it up. :)
Reading about Parapropter's
Here are some Parapropter Plans that someone is selling on the net. Interesting. I was thinking about Allens SkiBike. He should sell the plans, instead of trying to get the bike manufactured by Honda!

Sunday, January 09, 2005 at 11:36:20 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
The flu season is almost over for this household
It couldn't have happened sooner. After pretty much four days in bed, the delirium, sweats, aches and pains are almost gone. And that ain't bad.

Thursday, January 06, 2005 at 22:14:32 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
So many things seem so important to us, but in 100 years none of these things will matter
What will matter is what we accomplished in this life. For most people, all they contribute is children. For others, they build a foundation for others to build on. Technology is a good foundation. I'm glad I had a part in it. If no one even remembers my name 1 year after I'm gone, I'll have laid the stone work somewhere on the bottom of a great accomplishment that will change the world. That is what we are here for, those little things that don't even name you as a contributor.

Thursday, January 06, 2005 at 21:39:20 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Ida, noone is pissed at you
How can anyone be pissed at a hot little rocket like you? You're great! And you're a good writer too. And getting blasted for a night doesn't count. Everybody does it. In this town, you go to one of the bars (on every block) and exchange wild stories with strangers. Noone actually believes anything anyone says when they're partying. That would be foolish.
But as we all know A fool and his money are soon partying
**smiles**
I was laying back in bed by Becky's side
And Squirt started licking my hand. Aren't dogs so special. No matter what, they love and stick by you. They don't even care how you look in the morning. This dog is excellent.

Thursday, January 06, 2005 at 20:03:07 (PST) <Ida>
I thought perhaps I would write something significant in here now. Let me see....... In my mind lately it seems to be shadowed with doubt, The path I've chosen....well I want out. I want to be free and happy you see, Can't you accept me for who I be? If you don't like what you see, Then run real far away from me. For I am laughter and I am joy, I no longer search for the right boy. He will find me hopefully some day, I look to God as I pray. I am tired of all the games they play, Which causes me to take off and run away. From the fear of someone to close to me, Is why I run away you see. Ida P. Staley 1/6/2005

Thursday, January 06, 2005 at 19:47:35 (PST) <Ida>
Did I tell you how much I like this thing you made?

Thursday, January 06, 2005 at 19:45:22 (PST) <Ida>
Hello Jim & Becky!.....I hope she gets to feeling my better.......I don't have all that to worry about as mother nature took care of me good. I apologize for any intoxicating actions last night. But I told you that already. I guess ole Al is pissed at me....maybe this will get him thinking........later.......Idie

Thursday, January 06, 2005 at 15:34:58 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Becky's all sick
Oh hecko! She's got hot flashes and her glands are swollen.
I'm glad I'm a man and don't have all of those female attachments that are problematic.

Thursday, January 06, 2005 at 15:15:56 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Ate at the Outback last night
They're food is always so excellent, there, and the day after.
Becky is still asleep afer 15 hours. wow. I guess she should stay away from Strawberry Daiquiri's. She had one.
Talked to Allen and Ida today.
Skip's been gone for two days now. Hopefully he's alright.
Another dull day. Everyone is so depressed it seems. blah!
We all need to get out more often!

Wednesday, January 05, 2005 at 10:23:24 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
The Perfect Occupation
Working two jobs. One as a taste tester for Bud Light, the other rating TV shows for the Neilsons Ratings. One remote control could have the ratings buttons right on it! I'm sending them my resume this morning...lol

Wednesday, January 05, 2005 at 10:19:40 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
GMorning World!
The thing about what Paul did Robert, well, it was just a stupid thing. We need to get him a woman. With women everywhere you look around here, scantily clad, big smiles, eager to talk, I just have to figure he's shy. We all have our demons to fight. Becky and I have to get off of our lazy butts and go back to work. Laziness is an addictive little booger too! **smiles**

Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 22:20:26 (PST) <robert >
Hello Jim, Mom, and Squirt!!
Something about that name Squirt makes me thirsty. Anyways, today I sat at home. Paul didn't bother Joy or I. Boy everytime I see him it sux, a lot of trust has been lost. I thought he was good family to me but I guess I learned wrong. Really the closest and best family to me is Jim and Mom. Now thats what you call honest, real, and reliable people there. Everytime I have needed help with something or a project Jim was always their. Since that incident with Paul and Joy I feel as if my trust and life has done one big u turn. But anyways I guess we all learn the hard way and I learned. Well I love you Jim and Mom. Thx for everything Love Robert

Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 11:09:52 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
All is quiet here
Robert, Joy and Amy went back home.
Skip is gone.
It's just me, Becky and Squirt.
Uh oh, someone's knocking. brb.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 10:42:59 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Robert, I moved your jokes over to a special area
Hope you don't mind. Actually, I created an area called Jokes in my guest area. I've been collecting jokes since time began. You'll see more popping up there soon.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 02:50:02 (PST) <robert>
Here u go. I thought you would like these lol: Bathroom Jokes

Monday, January 03, 2005 at 04:30:28 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Its interesting that most molestations occur between family members
From what I've heard, most girls are raped or molested within the household. It seems like a dumb thing to do, but it's convenient. I've talked to most of my girlfriends, and its always the same story...it's an uncle, brother, dad, or someone close to the family who does the acts. Its almost never a stranger. The statistics don't get reported but I'd bet 1 in 3 women have been molested by a family member.

Monday, January 03, 2005 at 04:23:20 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
It seems Becky's brother made a pass at Robert's girlfriend tonight
What compells people to do that. All is well, but still, there's some shattered emotions around here. Paul is a good man. He's just lonely, and a little meglamaniacal. All is forgotten about the incident, but why hit on you cousins girlfriend when there's plenty of horny women out here. I don't get it. Bad things happen inside a household more than outside of it. I guess home is an easy target for predetors. The best that I can figure is he doesn't have the knowledge and tools to find women in Vegas. Here, its easy. You can get laid every day by someone new. Evil dwells close to home, because the pray is an easy target. So bad.

Monday, January 03, 2005 at 04:13:34 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Ida, chatting with you was so special tonight
We've been friends sight unseen for over 5 years. You are a sweetheart and there is a special place for you in my heart. Becky on the other hand, misses talking to you. Say hi to her. She's not jealous of you. She just likes hearing from you. This holiday season, we got not cards, no ecards, few calls. It's been kind of depressing. I got tipsy New Years and called some people. They all sounded like we were friends from yesterday. But still, the contact came from us. Sometimes, I feel like we've fallen off of the face of the earth. Becky especially.

Sunday, January 02, 2005 at 23:07:59 (PST) <Ida Staley>
My dearest friend .....tonight I read this and I am so proud of you Jim and I love you always.
We talked at length about our friendship, lives, Allen.......Yes I still love him......God only knows.....I keep asking him why? Jim you are very wise my dear friend....Sometimes I just wish.........Oh heck I need to get my silly ass to bed...perhaps I may write something a bit better next time......Love you and Becky......Ida

Sunday, January 02, 2005 at 21:49:41 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Theres something else I want to say
I don't see us as individual life forms. I see this planet as being a baby 8 billion years ago in its premordial soup. The whole planet has evolved, grown new entitities, and who knows, in 10 trillion years, anything is possible. Life always finds a way to improve itself. Just look around you. You'll see I'm right. Every kind of device (living thing) is all around us. From plants that harvest solar energy and dirt, to animals that pray on other animals or plants. We're growing, as a group. Our DNA is simular to that of a tree. We're all related. We're a team. And we're growing. So I say, we'll never die, we'll just gain knew persectives of the universe until we become the universe.

Sunday, January 02, 2005 at 21:38:00 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Hey Robert, man, you are so special to me
And there's no way I'm going to commit suicide even though the thought has crossed my mind. I tend to see the future as a place of promise. Every year gets better. I love your mom more than you'll ever know. And you, Joy, and Amy are my best friends. How could I leave that? Besides, I'm living the good life, doing whatever I want, laughing, loving...every day is a pleasure. I do like to get high, but, that's not because I'm depressed. It's because in my dreams, anything is possible. I'm sticking around and I want to help this universe grow to its maturity. We're all responsible for that. Like when a sperm meeting an ovum, we're part of whatever this is going to be. We'll never die. We're part of it all. But I do love my dreams. Love ya!

Sunday, January 02, 2005 at 20:46:01 (PST) <robert >
Hello Jim, I just want you to know I love you very much and don't you ever think of doing what your buddies did.
I was worried there for a bit about you. I just want you to know there are too many people that really really care about you and we are always their for you for thick and thin. Ok, bud. Love you and thx for all the happy times we have had.
Mom I love you to lol. Anyways, Happy New Years and hope this is a better one. Better yet lets make this a better one. Love ya all

Sunday, January 02, 2005 at 19:20:26 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Good Day
Robert, Joy, Amy, Jennifer, and Dustin came over for several hours. We played Double Cross on Hoyle for awhile. I put together Jennifer's Easy Bake Oven. Now, that oven is not an Easy anything. You have to read the manual to do anything with it. We watched Harry Peter: Prisoner of Archisaban or something like that (I still haven't watched it all the way), but the kidswere glued to the TV while it was on. I broke out 2 water rockets that launched 10 feet in the air exploded on impact when landing. What a rip off those things are. Anyway, it was a good day for everybody.

Sunday, January 02, 2005 at 04:56:44 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Dreams can be nightmares, or insite to a better life
I drempt about Rob, being frantic over being obsolete at Mgm. He panicked. He'd done a lot of exceptional things for that company.
I drempt about me, getting called in to Mgm for something minor.
But I knew I was on my way out. My purpose all along was to program my way out of a job and not into one. My goal was to make a perfect system that was easy to maintain. I knew my last day would come and there wouldn't be a going away party. It was my plan. I was supposed to design a system that was so easy to use,. One didn't need 14 programmers to maintain it. I knew I was working my way out of the job, and my last day would be simply walking by the cubicals, shaking hands, and saying its been nice working with you.
At Mgm Grand, I took a million lines of code and macro'd it up. I automated programming.
A new program request could be keyed in on one line (not thousands). You would key in that request and take a coffee break. I reduced the staff from 9 people to 2. I automated the systems, so now, its a box sitting in the corner of the Mirage computer room. When I was done, and I had trained everyone concerned, I cried as I walked out the door. I earned around one half a million dollars for that contract, and I was the only person that knew what I'd done.
There are still people out there who code the old grump way
They key in ever line of code instead of writing a program to create the code. They don't use macros.
They still have their jobs. They've made themselves necessary. Noone can read their code. They are unfirable.
Rob knew his accomplishments, but didn't have faith in his ability to recreate them.
He took on a dead end job at a glass factory, then shot himself. He thought he lost his abilities. He thought he was more useful dead than alive. He lost his self esteem.
I've thought the same thing about myself, that I'm a has-been.
The truth is, my goal all along was to work my way out of a job. To make perfect systems. I have done that. My systems are still out there working. They won't be replaced for perhaps a decade. I'm semi-retired because of what I did. I forget sometimes how I got here. That's what I should hold onto.
Its what you do and what you are that makes you special
I've felt suicidal (who hasn't), but that would be a waste. There's more to come in my life. I'm going to do something special and I know that because I know myself. I have self esteem.
But then again I'll do something special, then probably die in a car accident on the way home or something else stupid like that. lol. Life's biggest surprise it seems is death. Isn't it ironic that all creatures have a built in survival instinct plus a built in mechanism for dying.
It's what you accomplish in life that counts.

Saturday, January 01, 2005 at 16:22:01 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
It seems I've lost all contact with Ruth (my wife for 10 years). Its sad to lose contact with someone you still love. I wish her well in life. I still love her. Things just didn't work out. She was a very special person to me. Incompatibility is a sad thing. You lose a part of your life when you lose someone you love. I'm surprised she didn't call me this holiday. I can't reach her easily. She probably hates me anyway. So sad

Saturday, January 01, 2005 at 15:55:27 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
I hope I didn't bother anyone last night
I called Larry Lewis, Tom Sawyer, Allen Harman, Ruth (my ex), and a few other people. Tom Sawyer built me up like you wouldn't believe. It seems people have more confidence in me than I have in my self, and thats a shame. Allen Harman's daughter talked up a storm. She's only 8 but talks like a 12 year old. Becky got mad at me because I compared her to Jennifer. I didn't mean any harm. I was just comparing two 8 year olds and their level of understanding. Hey, we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Jennifer can spell anything backwards. It's a rare gift.

Saturday, January 01, 2005 at 15:17:06 (PST) <Jim Cutlar>
Here I sit with a well deserved hangover
We (mainly me) had 5 bottles of champagne last night. That means I shouldn't drive for at least 3 days. I'm grounded. Hecko. To add to my disgrace, Becky's Mom is coming over to pick up Becky's kids clothes. That's because I'm the only one in the house who can drive, and I won't after I've been drinking. Well, at least I have some integrety. I won't put anybody at risk because of my drinking.