|Here is the joke corner of Lvdude. Enjoy.|
09/13/2014 11:43:11jokes You might be a Redneck if
You might be a Redneck:
- if your fishing license is more precious to you than your marriage license.
- if your truck, car, boat and mower all share the same battery.
- if you put Alka-Seltzer in cheap wine to get champagne.
- if you've ever rolled a riding lawn mower....
- if you've ever skinny-dipped in an inflatable pool.
- if you wash your car more often than your kids.
- if you move to another state so you can buy beer on Sundays.
- if you've ever gotten naked to retrieve a golf ball.
- if your wife has a set of earrings that you use as fishing lures.
- if the local blood mobile truck is an ice cream truck on weekends.
- if they call you a soccer mom because the entire team is your kids.
And finally, a classic:
- if you consider a six-pack of beer and a bug-zapper quality entertainment.
03/16/2013 14:03:17jim Cowboy Tombstone
03/16/2013 14:01:11jim The Fun Side of Aging
- I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox that said I can have good sex at 75.
I'm so happy! I live at number apartment 72.
- Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
- Frustration is trying to find your glasses without yourglasses.
- Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
- The irony of life is that,
by the time you're old enough to know your way around,you're not going anywhere.
- God made man before woman so as to give him time to thinkof an answer for her first question.
- I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one. "I am not available right now . I am making some changes in my life. Leave a message. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes." - My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
"I am not available right now
I am making some changes in my life.
Leave a message.
If I do not return your call,
you are one of the changes."
- My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
01/24/2013 03:38:51jokes Farm Jokes
01/24/2013 00:00:10jokes Computer Problems
12/27/2012 10:53:53jim OLD IS WHEN...
Old is When
04/18/2012 03:38:51jim Rules of Consulting
03/16/2012 07:35:54QuadCities You May Be Muslim If - Jeff Foxworthy
You may be a Muslim If:
01. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
02. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
03. You have more wives than teeth.
04. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean.
05. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
06. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
07. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
08. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
09.You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
02/10/2012 19:35:59jokes Strange Thoughts
If I was a turtle,
I think I'd want to live in Mississippi.
They seem to be happier there.
02/09/2012 18:47:07Jokes Engineered Flatworms
After a year of extensive gene therapy and training at Sensadyn Labs, a flat worm has surprisingly learned to play the guitar.
02/09/2012 13:04:29jokes OLD IS WHEN...
Old is When
06/30/2011 19:35:59jim Strange Thoughts
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