I have some mail from Google to advertise it.
I love you.
It was fun hanging with Robert and Joy today.
We sure have some fun don't we!!!

HI Babe...you're my puddy cat!!! Love you!

How much are you willing to pay?

$20 my ass....hahahah..

I hope he makes it.
Thanks for helping with the yard today.
That could have been some killer work for me. Somehow it didn't bother me much though.
Thanks for helping with the stove today too.
You do help a lot more than you'll ever know
And thanks for doing the laundry too.
I hate doing laundry myself. Dirty clothes stink.
And thanks for being the only love I'll ever need.
You are the best, and you probably don't even know it.

hehehe...Just dinking around at night when I can't sleep because of coughing...
Its kind of neat though...
See ya tommorrow

I can miss the t in night because of poetic privilage

I love you so much, I wanna fly high in the sky at nigh

I wanna puke...lol

I had fun at Red Rock too.

Stoves - Its amazing people have survived as a species. The stove (standard) changed sometime ago. I've been to 3 places and spend more than 8 hours, just looking for adapters to make a stupid gas hose work. Sometime ago, the standard changed from 1/2" to 9/16's of an inch. Thats a 1/16th inch difference. That makes no since to me...AT ALL.
Bonnie Springs - toyed with the peacocks. There menu was very basic for dinner.
Red Rock Casino - didn't go in though, it was packed. I can't imagine why people out there complained about a casino near Red Rock Canyon. There's a Best Buy closer to the canyon.
Hush Puppies - Our waitress was tweeking.

After say yea to a recruiter this morning for a job in New Hampshire, I decided to read up on Cobol jobs.
Apparently, there are still quite a few of them out there.
The recommendation is to send your resume to the CIO's of the top Fortune 1000 companies.
Cobol programmers are retiring, but their applications are still the heart beat of many companies.

Cory, my east neighbor, once again filled up my dumpster on the first day. 
He often just sets the trash out on the side walk next to the dumpster. That pisses me off so bad!
He could more easily put his trash bags on the side walk in front of his house, but instead, he chooses to make me look like a pig. I got down on him yesterday about it.
The worst thing Cory has ever done to me was to put a wet trash can full of shit next to the dumpster.
He's just a stupid man. He's got no consideration for others. His dogs destroyed my fence. Rather than fixing the fence, he built a crappy one inside his yard. The dogs still managed to get out, and they chewed up my antenna wiring.

Its terrible! I slept for 4 hours just to wake up feeling like I was dieing.
I tried the inhalers, and the Las Vegas mix drops. Just sitting up helps a lot though.
I feel so pathetic.

Happy Tuesday

Our desires center around our need to procreate.
We want young women because they are best suited to carry our offspring.
There's nothing wrong with that, its nature's way.
Males seek mates with what they consider healthiest characteristics.
Women with less attractive characteristics mate with men of the same like.
Men with less attractive characteristics tend to force women to mate that have healthier characteristics.
These are natures techniques for genetically mutating a species.
No psychiatrist or geneticist could deny that our desires are programmed through instinct.
Apparently, nature likes to throw the dice. It can take generations to make dramatic changes in a species.
Its hard to understand why people deny their own nature. I suppose it has a lot to do comfort levels.
It was nice to hear someone say what I've always thought about religion
Last night, someone on TV said, "This person brainwashed her child into believing generations of lies, all while telling her she did it because she loved her".

I thought I'd just say "I Love You".
We need to called your Mom-n-em and tell them "Happy Easter"

Eggs and bunnys

Kind of. Joe the tree trimmer trimmed the palm trees.
Chuck came by.

Its fuzzy, but it works.
For some reason, XP will let you extend your windows screen, but it doesn't let you show the main portion of the screen on the external monitor.
We went driving around, watched planes take off and land at the airport. It was thundering. The planes arrive at a rate of around 1 every 5 minutes. Watching them land in high winds is scary.
Southcoast Station.
Big. We couldn't believe how much this town has grown in the south.

Good One to ya Mom

Becky felt sick, so we stopped. I'm pooped and I've barely done anything today. We've gotta get out of here.

Sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.  
Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 
Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.  
Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In." 
Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Then switch to Espresso.  
In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors."  
Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."  
Dont use any punctuation
As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.
Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."  
Sing Along At The Opera.  
Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.  
Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropica Sounds All Day.  
Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Hard.
When The Money Comes Out Of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!  
Tell Your Children Over Dinner, Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go. 

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door don't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps somewhere between noon to 6 PM!
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of Coded message: 370H-SSV-0773H.
As usual, Bush was baffled, so he sent it to the CIA, then the FBI, and then Nasa and No one could solve it.
Eventually they asked Britain's MI-6 for help.
Within a minute MI-6 replied "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

Bush - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. 
John Kerry - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.
Clinton - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive; with NO memory
Al Gore - Causes your computer to keep counting and re-counting
Bob Dole - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy
Lewinsky - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did
Arnold Schwarzenegger - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back
Mike Tyson - Quits after two bytes
Oprah Winfrey - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB
Ellen Degeneres - Disks can no longer be inserted 
Prozac - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care
Michael Jackson - Only attacks minor files 
Lorena Bobbitt - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy .... then discards it through Windows.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.
Here are some facts about the 1500's:
Most people got married in June, because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June.
Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.
The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water,
then all the other sons and men,
then the women and finally the children! Last of all the babies.
By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.
Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath.
It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof!
When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and off the roof.
Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.
This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed.
Hence, the canopy bed was invented with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.
Hence the saying "dirt poor."
The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway.
Hence the saying a "thresh hold." (Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.
Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat.
They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.
Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.
When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.
It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon."
They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
Those with money had plates made of pewter.
Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death.
This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status.
Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky.
The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days.
Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.
They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.
Hence the custom of holding a "wake."
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people.
So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave.
When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive.
So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell,
Hence the sayings "saved by the bell" and  "a dead ringer."

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren' t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

Good : Your wife is pregnant. Bad : It's triplets. Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago.
Good : Your wife's not talking to you. Bad : She wants a divorce. Ugly : She's a lawyer.
Good : Your son is finally maturing. Bad : He's involved with the woman next door. Ugly : So are you.
Good : Your son studies a lot in his room. Bad : You find several porn movies hidden there. Ugly : You're in them.
Good : Your hubby and you agree, no more kids. Bad : You can't find your birth control pills. Ugly : Your daughter borrowed them.
Good : Your husband understands fashion. Bad : He's a cross-dresser. Ugly : He looks better than you.
Good : You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter. Bad : She keeps interrupting. Ugly : With corrections.
Good : Your son is dating someone new. Bad : It's another man. Ugly : He's your best friend.
Good : Your daughter got a new job. Bad : As a hooker. Ugly : Your co-workers are her best clients. Way ugly : She makes more money than you do

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow
Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4AM. It could be a right number.
Think about this... No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team is winning.
I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.

GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.
SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.
POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke. LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.
DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.
GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways. WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water. THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.
THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie. 

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. 
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."
Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.!
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She thought General Motors was in the army. 
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. 
She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. 
At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."?
She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept. 
She sent a fax with a stamp on it. 
Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."?
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.?
She studied for a blood test. 
She sold the car for gas money.
When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.?
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company

Its much nicer than the old one. Now we can actually use the back yard again ourselves.
Sonny, Becky and I ate IHop.
There food is JUST Great! Later we watched Wolf Creek (sucked badly) and Cave-In (sucked).

We ate dinner down at the Las Vegas Marina (I think thats its name). The restaurant had a very basic menu. They were closing at 6pm and could hardly wait for us to leave. It was odd.
Afterwards, we scurried down to Boulder Beach.
Its aptly named. You need shoes to walk on it. Its odd how they tout this as a beach. In Daytona, we noticed that they actually bring sand to the shore for people to walk on. They should do that at Lake Mead.
The Marina at Boulder Beach is much nicer. The restaurant looks oodles better. You can rent a tiny boat for $30 an hour, party boat for $40, a speed boat for $50 and a wave runner for $65 (all two hour minimum). Also, the Desert Princess offers a pizza tour 4pm daily that runs up to Hoover Dam and back.

When we were traveling from Florida to Missouri over a month ago, we noticed these trucks pulling Fema trailers.
We had to notice them!!!
They were being pulled by anything thing that could pull them, at speeds up to MPH.
I had heard, from people in Mississippi, that the drivers were being paid $250 a trailer to pull them. The reason F350's and Dodge trucks got by with pulling them is that DOT relaxed its regs on log books, licensing, and states ignored the vehicles. So, anyone could haul the trailers.
The drivers pulling them were making up to $5 a mile!
I've also found out that FEMA paid around $40,000 a trailer (they're equipped with furniture, even microwave ovens).
10,000 trailers are in a lot in Hope, Alabama, where they sit, 8" apart.
The dirt is soft, and they leaning on each other. The frames are warped now because of no pad.
If any of this is true, who do I have to blow to start pulling them!!!

It's amazing just how many people take living for granted, and how few don't. =)
Becky and I were enjoying the free food at the sample stations, and loading up our cart with all sorts of useless items.
Then somebody turned up a demo stereo with Sinatra like music on it.
I grabbed Becky's hand and we began waltzing in the canned vegetable isle. 
A clerk giving out free samples agged a couple on and they started to dance.
For maybe 20 seconds, the 5 of us, with smiles on our faces, let our guards down long enough to enjoy life.
It was beautiful.

I LOVE YOU!!!

We ordered Jennifer a 24" MGX Bike today for her birthday. Do you think thats too big?

This should be fun. Hopefully she'll get it on time!

I've been reading about gastro intestinal problems. The esophagus, mouth, teeth, tongue...their purpose is for eating.
It seems to me that they are necessary for animals. But, we aren't stupid animals.
All of the above could be replaced by introducing baby food right directly into the stomach. I could have done it with the plastic tube I ran down to my stomach.
It also seems to me that if you knew what the head needed from the blood, you could keep a head alive by supplying it externally. I'd be surprised if someone hasn't that done that yet.

I fixed my esophagus with a 1/4" plumbing tube.
It sounds disgusting, looks disgusting, but it was safe, and it saved me $5,000.
I had the surgery back in 2000, and after reading about it, really, I didn't see why anyone couldn't do it.
When I had surgery in 2000, they put me under. Then they took a tube with a camera on it and shoved it down my throat. Later I woke up, and they showed me pictures.
Putting me under, doing all the test, and almost all of their procedures were unneccessary.
It took me 2 minutes to do basically what sword swallowers do everday.
I read that some people with strictures have the esophageal dilation done several times a year.
Wow.

We BBQ'd steaks, tomatoes, and steamed some asparagus (with cheese sauce).
Wouldn't ya know, a tiny piece of steak got lodged in my esophagus. That was 12 hours ago.
I can only get small amounts of liquids into my stomach. I can't keep my spit down so I can't sleep.
I've got to just hope the little booger disolves.
Its a crap shoot.
Wait three days for it to disolve, or go to the hospital and let them push the thing out with a tube, but that'll eat up $5,000+.
I'd hate to die over something this pathetic.