Bush - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. 
John Kerry - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.
Clinton - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive; with NO memory
Al Gore - Causes your computer to keep counting and re-counting
Bob Dole - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy
Lewinsky - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did
Arnold Schwarzenegger - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back
Mike Tyson - Quits after two bytes
Oprah Winfrey - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB
Ellen Degeneres - Disks can no longer be inserted 
Prozac - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care
Michael Jackson - Only attacks minor files 
Lorena Bobbitt - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy .... then discards it through Windows.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.
Here are some facts about the 1500's:
Most people got married in June, because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June.
Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.
The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water,
then all the other sons and men,
then the women and finally the children! Last of all the babies.
By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.
Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath.
It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof!
When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and off the roof.
Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.
This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed.
Hence, the canopy bed was invented with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.
Hence the saying "dirt poor."
The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway.
Hence the saying a "thresh hold." (Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.
Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat.
They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.
Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.
When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.
It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon."
They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
Those with money had plates made of pewter.
Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death.
This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status.
Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky.
The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days.
Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.
They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.
Hence the custom of holding a "wake."
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people.
So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave.
When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive.
So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell,
Hence the sayings "saved by the bell" and  "a dead ringer."

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren' t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

Good : Your wife is pregnant. Bad : It's triplets. Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago.
Good : Your wife's not talking to you. Bad : She wants a divorce. Ugly : She's a lawyer.
Good : Your son is finally maturing. Bad : He's involved with the woman next door. Ugly : So are you.
Good : Your son studies a lot in his room. Bad : You find several porn movies hidden there. Ugly : You're in them.
Good : Your hubby and you agree, no more kids. Bad : You can't find your birth control pills. Ugly : Your daughter borrowed them.
Good : Your husband understands fashion. Bad : He's a cross-dresser. Ugly : He looks better than you.
Good : You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter. Bad : She keeps interrupting. Ugly : With corrections.
Good : Your son is dating someone new. Bad : It's another man. Ugly : He's your best friend.
Good : Your daughter got a new job. Bad : As a hooker. Ugly : Your co-workers are her best clients. Way ugly : She makes more money than you do

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow
Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4AM. It could be a right number.
Think about this... No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team is winning.
I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.

GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.
SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.
POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke. LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.
DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.
GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways. WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water. THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.
THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie. 

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. 
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."
Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.!
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She thought General Motors was in the army. 
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. 
She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. 
At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."?
She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept. 
She sent a fax with a stamp on it. 
Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."?
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.?
She studied for a blood test. 
She sold the car for gas money.
When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.?
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company

Its much nicer than the old one. Now we can actually use the back yard again ourselves.
Sonny, Becky and I ate IHop.
There food is JUST Great! Later we watched Wolf Creek (sucked badly) and Cave-In (sucked).

We ate dinner down at the Las Vegas Marina (I think thats its name). The restaurant had a very basic menu. They were closing at 6pm and could hardly wait for us to leave. It was odd.
Afterwards, we scurried down to Boulder Beach.
Its aptly named. You need shoes to walk on it. Its odd how they tout this as a beach. In Daytona, we noticed that they actually bring sand to the shore for people to walk on. They should do that at Lake Mead.
The Marina at Boulder Beach is much nicer. The restaurant looks oodles better. You can rent a tiny boat for $30 an hour, party boat for $40, a speed boat for $50 and a wave runner for $65 (all two hour minimum). Also, the Desert Princess offers a pizza tour 4pm daily that runs up to Hoover Dam and back.

When we were traveling from Florida to Missouri over a month ago, we noticed these trucks pulling Fema trailers.
We had to notice them!!!
They were being pulled by anything thing that could pull them, at speeds up to MPH.
I had heard, from people in Mississippi, that the drivers were being paid $250 a trailer to pull them. The reason F350's and Dodge trucks got by with pulling them is that DOT relaxed its regs on log books, licensing, and states ignored the vehicles. So, anyone could haul the trailers.
The drivers pulling them were making up to $5 a mile!
I've also found out that FEMA paid around $40,000 a trailer (they're equipped with furniture, even microwave ovens).
10,000 trailers are in a lot in Hope, Alabama, where they sit, 8" apart.
The dirt is soft, and they leaning on each other. The frames are warped now because of no pad.
If any of this is true, who do I have to blow to start pulling them!!!

It's amazing just how many people take living for granted, and how few don't. =)
Becky and I were enjoying the free food at the sample stations, and loading up our cart with all sorts of useless items.
Then somebody turned up a demo stereo with Sinatra like music on it.
I grabbed Becky's hand and we began waltzing in the canned vegetable isle. 
A clerk giving out free samples agged a couple on and they started to dance.
For maybe 20 seconds, the 5 of us, with smiles on our faces, let our guards down long enough to enjoy life.
It was beautiful.

I LOVE YOU!!!

We ordered Jennifer a 24" MGX Bike today for her birthday. Do you think thats too big?

This should be fun. Hopefully she'll get it on time!

I've been reading about gastro intestinal problems. The esophagus, mouth, teeth, tongue...their purpose is for eating.
It seems to me that they are necessary for animals. But, we aren't stupid animals.
All of the above could be replaced by introducing baby food right directly into the stomach. I could have done it with the plastic tube I ran down to my stomach.
It also seems to me that if you knew what the head needed from the blood, you could keep a head alive by supplying it externally. I'd be surprised if someone hasn't that done that yet.

I fixed my esophagus with a 1/4" plumbing tube.
It sounds disgusting, looks disgusting, but it was safe, and it saved me $5,000.
I had the surgery back in 2000, and after reading about it, really, I didn't see why anyone couldn't do it.
When I had surgery in 2000, they put me under. Then they took a tube with a camera on it and shoved it down my throat. Later I woke up, and they showed me pictures.
Putting me under, doing all the test, and almost all of their procedures were unneccessary.
It took me 2 minutes to do basically what sword swallowers do everday.
I read that some people with strictures have the esophageal dilation done several times a year.
Wow.

We BBQ'd steaks, tomatoes, and steamed some asparagus (with cheese sauce).
Wouldn't ya know, a tiny piece of steak got lodged in my esophagus. That was 12 hours ago.
I can only get small amounts of liquids into my stomach. I can't keep my spit down so I can't sleep.
I've got to just hope the little booger disolves.
Its a crap shoot.
Wait three days for it to disolve, or go to the hospital and let them push the thing out with a tube, but that'll eat up $5,000+.
I'd hate to die over something this pathetic.

For our Monday Night eat out, we went to the Kyle Canyon Lodge. It had changed quite a lot on the inside. The lodge's management must have decided to convert its cozy environment into high class dining. What a bad idea.
The warm, friendly feeling of walking into the lounge and seeing people cozying up to the fire place had been replaced by a tacky outdoor style atrium with a sign saying "Please wait to be seated".
The lounge chairs had been replaced with small café style tables covered with cloth. It was all restaurant, but you could still sit at the small bar and enjoy a smoke and a drink, all while playing video poker next to your non smoking table. That, to me, just seemed retarded.
Sonny, Becky and I sat a six top, ordered our drinks and checked out the menu. It was VERY PRICEY. We left before the waitress got back with our drinks.
Mt Charleston Hotel
Still hungry, we went a couple of miles down the mountain to the Mount Charleston Hotel. They've made some improvements! We were hoping to eat at their steak restaurant, but it's closed on Mondays and Tuesdays. Too bad. The last I ate their, the restaurant had a lot of class, the prices were moderate, and the environment was excellent.
In its place, they offer food service in their lounge.
At the lounge, we were seated at a small table next to the fireplace. The chairs were plush leather and extremely comfortable. We ordered the the steak, trout and chicken dinners. The food was excellent, and the prices were modest. The average cost for a place was $20.
On the way out, I asked the front desk clerk how much the rooms were. She said $99 and up.

One line of code. hmmm.
I'm going to miss programming. Another end of an era.
Even though I'm still very very good at writing code in several languages, I can't do it. I don't know the stupid lingo.
That's what happens when you work in a vacuum.
Sonny was talking about how he took a valve off with a 380.
I asked him what a 380 was. He said it was a big pair of channel locks. I asked him why he didn't just say that? He said, cause he calls it a 380.
My point here is, that most people know what a channel lock is. They know its a big pair of pliers.
By Sonny using the lingo of 380 to describe a pair of channel locks, he alienated his audience, me, all for the sake of sounding like an expert.
And that, is what programming has done. It's alienated me with its stupid lingo.
An example of insane lingo in programming: If variable = "" Then ...
Now, programming lingo calls this a conditional statement. I call it an If statement.
Next year the lingo might call this a expressionate. I'd still call it an If statement.
Who would you rather talk to, someone that knows the lingo, or me?
If I wrote a manual on programming, it would be very precise, and compact.
It wouldn't be as beefy as the books you buy at Amazon...ya know, those 5,000 page monsters that would take a year to read.

I was afraid that, after coming back, we might get lazy and we have.
- The air here has slowed me down to a turtles crawl.
- The comfort levels indoors are high with cable TV and high speed internet.
- We have plenty of time and money.
All those things have put our ambitions at an all time low.
I keep thinking this website will take off.
It still is the easiest place to advertise. I have a list of 14 other sites that advertise in Vegas. None of them work well. Getting search engines to see my keywords just isn't working the way the documentation says it will.
They lie they lie they lie, lol.

It was quite a zoo in here. Micheal wanted to bring her dog over and I said no, Sonny is sleeping.

We watched Robots. It was a a kids movie and I just couldn't come down to that level of entertainment.
Watching Amy was more entertaining. She rearranged our furniture!

What a pain! We still haven't finished the task. It got dark.

- File application with Secretary of State (http://sos.state.nv.us/notary/notforms/index.htm)
- Obtain surety bond for $10,000 to the State of Nevada. Check the yellow pages (YP) under "bonds, surety")
Tell them the date you wish to start. That will be the effective date on your notary.
IT might be a good idea to also get "Errors and Omissions" insurance.
You must take an oath, either given by the County Clerk or another Notary.
- File the Oath and Bond at the County Clerks office. They'll give you a "Filing Notice"
- Mail the application, $35 check, and Filing Notice to the Secretary of State.
- The Secretary of State mails a Certificate of Appointment to the applicant.
- Pick up a Notary Stamp from a rubber stamp vender with your Certificate of Appointment. (YP - Rubber Stamps).
Additional info: (http://www.nationalnotary.org/howto/index.cfm?text=howtoState&state=Nevada)

Monday, we stayed in Tallahassee, Fl at an interesting motel for $40 per night.
In the parking lot, there were kids swinging sticks around and I thought it might be unsafe...BUT, they were students studying martial arts. Their swords were dull, 12 pounders. Walking around, I found a Sasha, Tea, Coffee house with wireless internet and a belly dancer. People buy a bowl of aromatic tobacco, and smoke it for an hour in an opium pipe. Pretty strange, but it seems to work. LOL.

Look out!

It's my BIG 50. I'm 50 cents short of a dollar today.
Strange, how I don't feel like an old fart at all.

It was pretty cool.
He kind of looks like me in the morning, doesn't he?

The technology I've added to this site is being developed elsewhere.
- The flexible menu exists in the Google Toolbar.
- The multiple search engine feature exists in Firefox.
- Its just a matter of time before easier ad placing follows suit.
Then there's the question of why my site doesn't show up in the search engines. Crap blog entries from other sites show up  before my site gets listed. I've read the Page Rankings formula. I followed its procedures. Still nothing.

I'm now a rich man again...haha. I cut it awfully close this time though. I've got to watch that.
By staying over in Orlando to the end of January, it put things on a tight schedule.
But I based my decision on someone saying he thought my website could make some good money.
He never said anything good about it before, but that just his nature.
So, I stuck around for another month, and coded.
I was also worried about getting screwed by this same person.
I forget why exactly, but I'll pick my business partner better next time.

And it was GREAT of those people in front of us to give me that two for one coupon.
Then, way in the other cashier's line, they wished me a happy birthday!
Hey babe, ever notice that every where we go, people smile and say nice things?
We seem to bring that out in people.
Like that guy at the car wash, watching us dance to our reflections in the glass.
He just came right over smiling, saying you guys are cool, you love each other.
So many people miss that in life.

We got the UBelt back on, along with all the bolts (except for one). The car is a screamer!
As far as I can see, the transmission and engine are in great shape. I'll out run my F150.
If a guy at Pep Boys said the head gasket was blown on that car, he's wrong.
The lesson to be learned is, when you take your car to a mechanic, you should already know whats wrong with it.
From my experience, the auto industry constantly takes advantage of people.
Case in point: I had a $99 coupon for a complete brake job.
I was standing in line, waiting to get my truck serviced. While in line, I listened to the people talk to the service man. None of them got the $99 special. They all had other problems that would cost over $400. The coupon was a lie.

I love that buffet. On Monday night, its always seafood night, and they have everything imaginable (except for lobster).
Someone in line gave me a two for one coupon, so for three people it was only $34.

I just wanted to tell you that  I Love You So Much

Total Time: 4.5 hours. Water pumps can be a real booger. We've still got to install the U Belt.

A-1 Truck Driver Training 1105 Industrial Rd Boulder City NV
ALL POINTS TDA 123 WATER ST HENDERSON NV 89015
JOIN 705 E 4th St. Winnemucca NV 89445
MTA 3200 E. Cheyenne Avenue Module 3 Las Vegas NV 89030
Southern Nevada CC 6375 West Charleston Blvd Las Vegas NV 89146
Western Truck School, 85 N. Edison Way #2/3 Reno NV 89502
Western Truck School 3603 Las Vegas Blvd. N , Suite 112, Las Vegas, NV 89115

Stove: $150
Refrigerator: $400
Curtains: $200
Genie Garage Opener: $159.98
Front Door: $150
Closet Doors: $250

• Minimum 22 years old
• Must have 6 months verifiable OTR experience in the past 36 months
• Must possess a valid CDL with Haz-Mat endorsement in the state where you reside
• No DUI's, DWI's or any other violations involving drugs or alcohol within the last 5 years
• No more than 3 moving violations in the past 3 years.
• No more than 3 preventable accidents in the past three years.
• Truck must pass DOT and USA inspections.
• Wheelbase not to exceed 260 inches (center front hub to center last hub).
• Weight not to exceed 19,000 lbs with half tank of fuel.
• Must have truck title and proof of payment on Federal Highway Use Tax.
• Proof of insurance

The travelling notary public that we saw was twenty four, pulling down more money than I did in programming.
It takes about 1 week to study the material. In some states, you simply just sign a piece of paper and pay a fee.
You can make $100,000 a year these days, doing loans. Its a very good business.

What to do now? Hmmm.
In this life, I'm in a never ending delusion of control and its all good.

It didn't take that long really, but we ran out of light, so we'll wrap it up tommorrow. There was no water in the oil so the guy at Pep Boys was FOS. If a head gasket is blown on it, thats not how he found out. 3 more hours, and the water pump will be finished...yahoo! Next we'll deal with the flat and the battery.

Preferred Basic installation for 1 room.

Strange how there were probably more people there than in downtown New Orleans. hmmm.
Monday night is their Seafood night and it was excellent.

+ Heartland Express - Pay is around 44 cents a mile. Home every week. Good things
+ Barr-Nunn - Pay is around 47 cents a mile. Home every week. Good things.
+ Knight Transportation - Pay is good. Home every week.
+ Averitte Express - Good Pay. Home every week.
+ FeEx - Decent Pay. Home every week.
+ UPS - hmmm. Good Pay. Home every week.
- CFI - Low Pay. Home every month.
- CR England - Very Low Pay. Home every month.
- Swift - Low Pay. BiMonthly
- Ozark - Home Bimonthly.
- Werner - Medium Pay. Bimonthly.