How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.
How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way.
How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ? They Take The Psychopath
How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It
What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam!
What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroids
What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick
What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.
What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quatro Cinco.
What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk.
What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite.
What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.
What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef.
What Do You Call a Dog With No Legs? Doesn't matter. He's NOT coming to you!
Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers.
Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog.
What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka.
What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ? The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.
What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.
Where do one-legged waitresses go to find work? IHop

bind
@select list * off
@add * from myuserlib
@add * from $system.escort.escruntm
@set like $system.escort.escruntm
@set highpin on
@set highrequestors on
@build mylib!

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning me dicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26 . Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because I don't know what is going on.