Old is When

Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door

Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police

'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

An 'all nighter' means not getting out of the bathroom anytime soon.

You are not sure these are jokes?

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10:00AM Tampa's Downtown on Ice Editor's pick Even in Florida, you can get in the holiday spirit by skating on an outdoor rink in the park. Each 90-minute session includes skate rental ... Price: $10. Curtis Hixon Park 600 N Ashley Drive, Tampa, 33602

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5:30PM Holiday Lights in the Garden Editor's pick Stroll through a garden of tropical plants glowing with more than 500,000 twinkling lights. Dancers, musicians and choral groups make each night special. Visitors ... Price: $2, 11 and younger free. Florida Botanical Gardens 12520 Ulmerton Road, Largo, 33774

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6:00PM Christmas Town Editor's pick The park is transformed into a nighttime holiday wonderland with 80 miles of lights, real snow to play in, special food and treats, a life-sized ... Price: $39.99, $9.99 ages 3-9, 2 and younger free. Busch Gardens 3605 Bougainvillea Ave., Tampa, 33612

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6:00PM Nights of Shimmering Lights Drive your vehicle through a light and sound show using more than a half million twinkling lights. Includes more than 600 larger-than-life lighted scenes, tunnels ... Price: $20 per car; tour buses/limos extra. Hillsborough County Fairgrounds Corner of Sydney Washer Road and Hwy 60, Brandon, 33567

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6:30PM Holiday Lighted Boat Parade Tampa Watch festively decorated boats spread holiday cheer as they motor and sail around Davis Island, Harbour Island and through Garrison Channel. Best viewed from Channelside ... Price: Free. Tampa Convention Center 333 S Franklin St., Tampa, 33602

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6:30PM Wild Wonderland Editor's pick The zoo closes at 5 p.m. and reopens at 6:30 for the annual evening winter festival with twinkling holiday lights, live reindeer and ... Price: $13, $11 ages 3-11, 2 and younger free. Lowry Park Zoo 1101 W Sligh Ave., Tampa, 33604

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Electro-White For this premiere white party, dress in white and step into a snow-dripped winter wonderland of decorations. Drink specials, dancing zombies, fire dancers, acrobatic performances ... Price: Free (before 11:30 p.m.); $7 after. Amphitheatre 1609 E Seventh Ave., Ybor City, 33605